Re-finding yourself

I have been busting my ass these last years. And yes, I kind of have it all. A great job, my own house, awesome friends,.. But all that sometimes seem to mean nothing if you can’t share it with someone ‘special’.

I have been mourning over my ex for 3 months. I still suffer from our break-up.

I’m seeing a therapist to help me cope with this, to learn how to let go. Letting go is not my strongest suit you see. This summer I got the task to try to ‘find myself again’ in order to be able to start moving on.

What she meant was that I had to re-find the person I used to be, before I met him. She’s definitely right about the fact that I’ve changed during our relationship and I’ve kind of lost myself the past year. But to re-discover the person I used to be? Difficult. I have been thinking about the things I used to love to do. Go out with friends, dance, travel, … Those things were fun because there was always somebody around to go out with or to spend time with. But we’re 25–26 now, we have jobs, apartments and most of all, responsabilities. My friends have their own lives now or they are building a life with someone else. And that is very confrontational.

My point is that being single used to be more fun, it used to be easier. Now it’s just a nasty confrontation of life not at all turning out how you imagined it to be.

The real clue here is how to successfully deal with this. With the emphasis on successfully. It is of course possible to constantly go out drinking or partying, never being home or avoid being alone. Another possibility is to muddle along with your ex. In other words, to avoid and ignore the painful situation you’re in and not deal with it like an adult.

I tried both ways the past months. It doesn’t solve shit. You just keep stalling and stalling until you wake up one day and realize you need help.

I think I can honestly say I’m finally choosing the high road. I’m starting to learn how to focus on me and be happy with myself. It isn’t always easy. The first step is to simply ignore the voices in my head that try to convince me I should leave the house. That I’m depressed and lonely. But no, I’m not leaving the house. I’m staying in and finding a way to keep myself busy. I could cook something nice for myself, finally start to decorate the house, listen to music, write or draw. Whatever, it doesn’t matter what I do. It matters I spend time with myself. And that I’m taking care or myself.

And you know what I realize? I am not re-finding myself. I am finding myself for the first time. I’m defining myself. The decisions I made in the past always seem to be based on someone else. Now that I’m 24 I am finally doing things for me. Carefully reflecting on what I’m capable of and what I like to do.

It’s beautiful and relieving to finally feel this way.

Love & positive vibes,

A.