“You need to see a heart surgeon” … part 3
Mt Kilimanjaro
Mt Kilimanjaro
Where do I even start. This was the hardest physical and mental challenge I’d ever put myself up for, and I’d put myself through some pretty crazy things prior to this. I had nowhere near the level of fitness required for this climb, was carrying too much weight and was putting my health at a higher level of risk than most could even comprehend. There was no one that was encouraging me to do this. Everyone though I was crazy (and looking back I definitely was). But I was so determined to summit this beast of a mountain that literally nothing was going to stop me, other than death. And at that moment in time I was ok with that. I had visualised myself standing on the summit so many times and in my mind it was always going to happen.
The first few days were a little bit of a struggle but the pace was slow, or ‘pole pole’ as they say on the mountain, Swahily for slowly, slowly. There were moments where I had to address my extreme fear of heights, and moments of quietly asking myself why I was putting myself through so much torture just to satisfy my own internal demons of personal achievement. I was crazily obsessed. It really didn’t matter to anyone whether I summited or not, but to me it was the only thing that mattered to me since going through my heart issues.
Throughout the climb I had so much support from everyone, I was so humbled and grateful to be in the presence of so many extremely beautiful souls. I couldn’t have been in better company if I paid for it. As with any altitude, the higher you go, the more difficult breathing and sleeping becomes. It was definitely taking its toll along with my lack of fitness and heavy body.
On the 4th day after a solid full day of hiking, we reached base camp. We had decided to push through a planned stop and get to base camp a day early, meaning we would attempt to summit a day early. My buddy/soul sister Karey who I’d tented with and gone through a 6 month leadership program with was not well. She was suffering from altitude sickness and the decision was made for her to be taken off the mountain. It really shook me and I felt guilty that she had trained her but off to be there and couldn’t achieve what I wanted so badly, yet I’d done no physical training for. I cried for hours and was so sad for her. After she was taken off the mountain by being carried down on the back of a porter I tried to get some sleep. A few hours later around 11:30pm the alarm goes off and I’m preparing for the summit push.
We left just after midnight heading into the 5th day. It was extremely windy and the temperature was well below zero. My fingers and toes were so cold I thought I had frost bite. My water froze and I became dehydrated. There were so many people pushing for the summit at that time that I became increasingly annoyed with the ‘crowd’ and frustrated at just how hard it was. The longer it went on, the more ill I became and the more the thoughts went through my head that I just wanted to quit. I would frequently stop to try and get rest. Who actually cares if I get to the summit, does it really matter? Is it worth going through such chosen torture? Why are you even doing this?
Hours went by, the sun came up and I was still climbing to get to the top. As the time went on, so did my level of incoherence. Everyone in my group were all way ahead of me, it was just me and Alex, one of the guides, who I have to say was so patient with me. There was complete silence between us. I was exhausted, hungry, angry, dehydrated, sobbing and I was definitely no fun to be around. If I was Alex, I would’ve been tempted to push me off the side of the mountain. I can’t explain how I was still going. There was some sort of mad manic driving me internally that just kept pushing me to get to the top. Possessed maybe? It was all mental, because physically I was completely finished.

I look up and see what is the top and start to feel some relief. But it wasn’t the top, it was a false top, ‘Stellar Point”. At the pace I was going, the top was still about an hour away. I say out loud ‘if I’m not there yet, I’m not there yet’. I have a brief break here where I sit down and get some hot tea. It was the best damn hot tea I’d ever had in my life. The group had been there for some time and continued on without me, it was cold and they didn’t want to hang around and I didn’t blame them. After some time I got up and continued on with Alex, at times he had his arm linked through mine and was pulling me up the final push to reach the summit. I was becoming more weak with each step and it felt like hours were passing by.
Finally I look up and see a small gathering and the sign “Congratulations you are now at Uluru Peak Tanzania, 5,895m. Africa’s highest point and the world’s highest freestanding mountain’. I fucking made it, just like I said I would!!! Delirious, possibly slightly unconscious and not really aware of my surroundings, I breakdown and hug my team mates and the guides. The reality of what I’d achieved didn’t really sink in, I was so sick that I was there for maybe 5 or so minutes before I was dragged down to base camp. A few photos, a quick video and that was that. I didn’t get to experience the summit like I’d imagined in my head, like I’d visualised so many times before. But I made it and only God knows how I did.

I don’t recall much of the journey back to base camp. I was done, I wanted to curl up and die. Before I got to base camp a medi vac was being arranged and my gear was being packed up. What felt like the next minute, I’m getting assisted into a helicopter and being taken off the mountain as Base Camp.

I spend the next day or so in a high altitude hospital in Tanzania where I receive the utmost level of care. Veronica the nurse was so lovely to me and George was an absolute comedian. When I was ready to leave the hospital we got some selfies! A few days later I’m on a plane back to Australia. I was very overwhelmed with elation and pride of what I’d just achieved, the magnitude of it all was starting to sink in. And I was still alive!!!


