Evolution. Not easy|
There comes a point in your life when you are standing on a fork in the road, when you have to decide which road to take and which road to abandon. Its not just this decision that bothers you, the other things that bother are “ When did I grow up so much that the sole right of decision making is mine?” and this is not it, you also think — “What if I choose one and eventually end up not being happy with it?” cause in the end the other side of the grass always appears green. And then you realize all the crazy fantasies you had of grown ups was crap imagination you had and is so unreal. You realize that growing up is not easy. In fact, it sucks, big time.
The reality of growing up is far more bitter than bitter gourd juice. Few months back this realization hit me — growing up, a bad experience. When you are a kid, you are cuddled, pampered and loved plentiful, cause that is how parents kingdom is irrespective of troubles they face they keep you warm and protected from the storms in the real world. When we are at home we fight, we cry and crave for freedom, to live away from home, we think that’s the dream. But, when actual reality of moving out, struggle for bread and house starts-we realize the life we have lived till now was a dream-life. Majority of the people face this situation as soon as the school gets over, but I was lucky enough to have my college in the same city as my home — a small town-full of warm and friendly people, caring shopkeepers,loving neighbors. Going to college with home cooked lunch box, mummy’s yummy cooked food stuffed the tummy,driving papa’s SX4, partying with friends, having fun on daddy’s money, riding to places near by, that is pretty much the summary of my college life . So in my final year, when I got offer for my first job, but obviously my family and me were on cloud nine.
But, trust me the happiness was ephemeral. The step out of dad’s kingdom and my fairy land brought me face to face with the wicked, cruel, coldhearted world. A struggle started — from using daddy’s debit cards to an every day struggle for a living, from shopping from dad’s earnings to fulfill heart’s desire to a struggle to save, from a chauffeur driven papa’s vehicle to a struggle to get onto a fast moving and overstuffed bus and not fall from it, from best buddies spending whole day together, dreaming together to a struggle to see “real friends” leave support during the times most needed, from mom running after you to eat properly to struggle to feed something to stomach, from a naive college going kid to a struggle to survive in the fast pace of life, from being a carefree kid to a struggle to grow. From the moment I stepped out I was wondering if the survival is this difficult? I have literally struggled to fit into a sprawling big city coming from a small place like a baby trying to breathe on its own after coming out of the mother’s womb. And trust me when reality hits, it hits hard. This truth is harder to cope up with than a teenager going through breakup.
I was like a pampered pet dog who has been sent to live on the road with fierce and brawny street dogs and has been asked to fight cause its the survival of the fittest. But, can a pet dog who has never even slept on the road , has not faced the harsh weather, has not fought for the food win this fight for the survival? This fight is so hard. And fighting against all these odds alone is even harder. At times, I realize the protection of mom and dad never made me face the ground reality. Moreover, I realize even the best of friends leave you when you have your darkest days. Cause that is how people’s feeling are these days — changes with mood. Stay when you need it and leave it before they need you back.
At times, I feel there is always an option to run away, run away from this cruel reality to the protected environment and look for an easy ways that can be managed by me. But, then I realize 30 years back when my dad came out of his house for the first time, there was no turning back cause he had the responsibility of family. There was no running back cause he had no place to run back to. Had he turned his back towards his responsibilities he would never have had built his empire — my home, a place safe enough for me to hide. Then, why should I run away? And then I think, if I don’t face the other side of the reality I will never value the best things provided to me by the grace of God.
However hard this endeavor is, it will teach something new. So, here I stand, I fight, for living. So, that one day I too can make my safe place - place where I can be, where I can sleep peacefully without the feeling the thunder of the outside world. Cause that day the sleep I will get will be something that I have earned. As it is said truly, you get the best sleep after the toughest days. Till then, I want to keep learning and growing. A baby bird however happy it might be in its nest needs to come out and fly to touch the sky cause nest is not the place it is meant to stay at. The woods are darks and lonely and there are miles ahead of me to cover walking alone.