BECOMING A SIBLING AT SEVENTEEN

Anmol Dhingreja
Nov 3 · 4 min read

My first reaction when I heard that my mother was pregnant at the age of forty was “Eww, you guys are still doing it?”After being an only child for seventeen years , yes you read it right my younger sister was born.While growing up I would always think that having a younger brother or sister to boss around would be fun.Even though we lived in a joint family and cousins were always around to play with ,the thought of having a sibling would cross my mind at times.Finally when I realised that being an only child had its perks, the news hit me out of nowhere just like a ‘thunderbolt’.

First of all ,I must applaud my parents for taking the decision of becoming parents again at the age of 40 which by no means is an easy task. Had I been in their position,I probably wouldn't have gone ahead with the decision.Parenting is tough work.The sleep deprived nights, initial phase of settlement with a new being, the erratic feeding times, the frequent nappy changing all of this is tough work . As a new mom you are cranky, moody and stinky probably all together at the same time and to add to this mix if you are in the age bracket of ‘40’ your body does not fail to remind you of it every time.

The initial reaction when I heard the news was but of course shock, then embarrassment, then denial, and finally a sighful acceptance . I felt embarrassed sharing the news with my friends as I was already in my first year of college. My friends would tease me by saying that were your parents actually sleeping on the idea rather than sleeping together all these years .The natural reaction to this would result in me getting irritated, angry or embarrassed.Naturally, like all things this news lost its novelty and in due course of time I was actually looking forward to meet my sibling.

Watching my mother go through the pregnancy I realised how difficult it is for women to go through it. I also realised that my mother must have suffered the same way while she must be pregnant with me. That was one of the reasons why i took it upon myself to take care of her as much as I could. I ensured that she ate on time and also didn't forget to take her vitamins and supplements.

As luck would have it because of it being a late pregnancy my sister arrived early. She was born in seven and half months and was a premature baby. My mother started bleeding clots suddenly one afternoon and had to be rushed for an emergency C-section. The initial days were bad. My sister was kept in neo-natal ICU for 15 days. She was shifted in the regular room once she could start taking feed from my mother. Thankfully, there was no physical or neurological damage but she was weak ,fragile and needed extra care. Ironically, this is also the time when women need all the care and support from their family members.Post-partum depression is real and almost all women face it in varying degrees .This was the time when my mother and I too bonded.

I took charge of cooking one meal, mostly evening time and ensured that she and the little one slept on time.My father would come back from work by 8.30–9.00 in the evening and I would serve him dinner and take care of preparing, serving and clearing up after he was done with his meal.

Even though she was my sister I felt more like a mother to her. I would babysit her when mother would run errands ,sometimes I would drop her to play school or at times feed her a meal. It was fun but also a lot of hard work. Those were the times when I felt mothers deserve all the respect, love and appreciation for all the hard work that they do but never get any credit or praises for it.I got married when my sister was only six. we did’nt really get a chance to be together and I also got busy in my life.

My daughter was born after two years of my marriage and the funniest part was that my daughter and sister bonded like siblings do. “She belongs to my daughters generation” was my thought when I would see the two of them playing together. They would play make believe games and share secrets . I would watch them and wished I had this while growing up.

Nevertheless ,my sister is 21 now and we have gotten close in the last couple of years. She discusses her issues ,problems, experiences & challenges with me and also asks for my insights and opinions in her personal matters . She say’s that that she is thankful for having an older sister and enjoys our conversation and my company .There are times where she tells me that mother doesn't understand the challenges faced by her generation a.k.a The millennials .It is at such times that she asks me to intervene and talk to our parents on her behalf & that is when i realise that I am the bridge between the two generations.

All I can say, after the whole experience is that having a sibling at any age is wonderful whether you look after them as a parent figure or bond and connect with them as a sibling, it really doesn't matter. The fact that you have someone as your family long after your parents have gone is a wonderful feeling in itself. Only word of advice though is that it is always better to do it sooner rather than later , if you plan on having multiple kids.

Anmol Dhingreja

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