Be Scared Now so You Won’t Be Scared Later
How to overcome fear and live a better life. Scientifically.
In the 1990s, when Elon Musk was still a student, he lived on $1 a day for a month.
Not many people know about that. And no, it wasn’t his version of a student’s life. It was a test, an experiment. Still young but he already knew what he wanted: to shake the world through a business empire.
Even so, there was one thing that could stop Elon, and he knew it. Fear. There was no way he could take huge risks while paralyzed by a vision of bankruptcy and poverty. But to let his mind stop him? Never. To be free of fear in the future, he decided to face it then–and painfully.
He needed certainty that he’d survive no matter his income. If he could get by on a dollar (now ~$2) a day for 30 days, he wouldn’t be afraid anymore. Although his diet consisted of bulk hot dogs and oranges, he still made it and became bigger than his fears.
Decades later, after sharing the story, an interviewer summarized Elon’s experience as follows:
“That allowed you to not have to worry about money. Because you did the experiment” “This was an important psychological-philosophical anchor for you, . . . “that’s a starting point to launch anywhere you want to go,” comments the interviewer.
“Yeah,” Musk responds. “Absolutely.”
Elon’s actions weren’t arbitrary. He used a scientific method called exposure. No worries, I won’t ask you to repeat it in the exact form: we’ll tweak it. Unless you want to echo his success, you don’t need to go this far.
Having written an article about successfully escaping from emotions when they’re about to crush you, I consider it my obligation to write about the flip side of the solution. Because if you keep running away, you’ll be going backward. But if you confront the chaos willingly, you can prevent a major existential crisis.
DISCLAIMER: The following method isn’t tailored to phobias (fear of spiders, heights, etc.) Although the treatment is similar, I don’t recommend replicating it.
Round 1: Cognitive-behavioral approach
I’m going to start with the easiest method, and we’ll move on from there.
It’s an assumption, but 99% certain: you’re afraid of death. Usually, it doesn’t matter, but there are days when it does. You cannot make death less scary, but you can become braver. And this is precisely what the researchers intended in this study. They asked the participants to, for example:
- Plan their burial
- Write a will
- Visit a grave
These actions forced them to feel, think, and confront death almost tangibly. In turn, such exposure rendered their fears far less potent.
Another way to approach fear is by analyzing its components. I suggest the following method:
- Discover what exactly you are afraid of.
Following the death example, it may be, e.g., leaving your family not only with loss but financial issues as well. - Think about the probability of that scenario: quite high.
- If it’s possible (in this case, yes), find ways to prevent it.
It may be setting aside a part of your income or buying insurance. - Do it.
- Repeat the process for the remaining sub-fears.
Some fears, however, might not have an implementable solution. For now, accept the possibility of them occurring as a part of life.
Round 2: Emotional approach
Intellectually and behaviorally, you have already become braver. However, you might have the sensation of understanding something intellectually without feeling it emotionally. To settle it, let’s go a step further.
Visualization–ever heard of it? Of course, you did. Now, I want you to use it but reversed. Instead of indulging in positive scenarios, indulge in negative ones. You’re a master of it, aren’t you?
However, you’ve been doing it wrong. Most likely, instead of confronting your fears, you’ve been suffering from anxiety while assuring yourself that “everything’s gonna be alrighty!”.
Remember the Elon Musk story? We’ll do what he did but in imagination.
If Musk is the right side of the extremum, this method is the left one:
- Choose your fear!
- Pick the first sub-fear you wrote and imagine it happening with ALL the consequences: the kisses and tears, the poverty and indignation, the struggle of your children to pay the bills. Your brain is a darn master in the negative scenarios, so don’t hold back; give it your all.
Of course, if you can confront fear in the material realm (as Musk did), all power to you! Although, remember, it doesn’t have to be as extreme. For instance, if you fear poverty, you can live on a small portion of your income for as long as necessary.
“Terms and conditions”:
- If you’re currently depressed, don’t do it. You can’t afford a toll like that.
- Only do it to such a degree you can withstand (start with smaller fears)
- You need to go all in. Feel the emotions, don’t rationalize.
- Negative visualization must be repeated.
One or two times won’t change much. You need to strengthen yourself so that negative scenarios become a comedy-drama. Takes time.
Round 3: Only for the advanced players
If you really want to go deep into it, take advantage of writing. Let’s say you’re afraid of getting Alzheimer’s–as people in this study–write a heartbreaking story of your mental degradation and despondency!
Include how you start forgetting your family and friends. How you need assistance with everything, how your relatives get annoyed with you, etc.
Who knows–maybe that exercise will prompt you to become a fiction writer specializing in tragedies!
Until now, you’ve been working solely with the future. Often, however, fears are born from the past, from your experiences. To be truly free, you need to tackle these as well. The most straightforward way is to go to a therapist, and this is what I recommend when exposure fails to be as effective. Of course, there are self-help methods, but that’s a whole different story.
I know it’s tough
The method was taken from psychology, not philosophy/religion, and it requires you to do some work. This renders it difficult not only emotionally but organizationally as well. However, you won’t find a better scientific method to deal with fears.
Reading another article isn’t going to help. Well, unless you wish to get a philosophical/religious perspective on it, go ahead then (I love them too!). In fact, the idea of “exposure” was derived from the Stoics and only later researched and made scientific.
I suggest you pin using this method to an already existing habit. Every day, I spend at least 15 minutes on self-improvement, so I use this time for such things. If you have something similar (e.g., journaling), spare the next few days to work through your fears. If not, plan a specific date and time when you will do that.
If you want to grow, working with your fears will be necessary at some point. If you want to do anything above average, you can either:
- Don’t do anything and achieve nothing.
- Go straight for your goals and have mental issues later.
(I learned it the hard way) - Prepare yourself, and then go for your goals.
As always, the choice is yours!
