I quit my job, would you?

Anna Kingston
Sep 4, 2018 · 4 min read

My father recently told me he had kidney cancer, which had probably spread to other parts of him as well. You may be reading this and thinking “why is she telling me such a personal (and also distressingly common) line?” I am talking about this because, as these life events do, it got me to look at my life a little bit differently, asking “what’s really important to me right now?” Luckily for me, family came out pretty high on that list.

Work is important to me of course, it’s definitely an expression of my purpose in life. But I agree with Sheryl Sandberg (she of Facebook, Google and ‘Option B’ fame) who says “when you’re overwhelmed at home, it’s hard to succeed at work”. So, when I felt I needed to choose either work or family in the short term, I chose to move to Christchurch temporarily to support my father through his operation, and perhaps chemotherapy.

My employer was supportive and probably would have let me take unpaid leave for a few weeks to be with my family. However, I didn’t even ask if that was an option as I felt too overwhelmed to deal with both and so, for me, about 2 months ago I quit my full time job. Because I had to tell people at work why I was leaving so quickly, I found I was having more conversations about cancer’s impact on my life with people I didn’t know very well at work, than I was with friends. And although we talk about being authentic and bringing our whole selves to work, many people found it hard to discuss this personal influence on my working life. I promise I didn’t bring it up gratuitously (as perhaps I am here) but I did mention it when I had to tell people why I was leaving. I got varying reactions from pity, to empathy, to being immediately shut down and ignored as people had no idea what to say.

After listening to Sheryl Sandberg and Brene Brown podcast about this, and on top of my own experience, if someone gives you this kind of information you can help by simply listening and empathising, then move on. I appreciated being able to be practical and do something, as so much of cancer treatment is waiting and waiting and no control. Taking action, gave me control.

So, I quit my job and am currently in the middle of being a carer — a cook, cleaner, driver, food shopper, medication administrator, visitor wrangler and other duties, as needed. What a difference to my day job, which was all strategy, design and ideas work. I find myself every day with more and more respect for those who do it all while caring — mothers, fathers, nurses and all types of carers — you are amazing and add so much value to the world, thank you! Especially super-mum Jacinda Ardern, who continues to astound me with her compassion, drive and seeming ability to do it all.

So far this time has been for me a blessing, painful, joyful and frustrating. The benefits of being able to slow down and reflect in these exponentially busy times are amazing (I’ve finally had time to start Thomas L Friedman’s book ‘Thank you for being late’ on exactly this topic). And yes, we’re still waiting on news — one operation down, soon it’s time to think about chemo. Then I’m looking forward to getting back to freelancing in the learning, leadership and future of work space. But I’m so glad I made the decision to be here at this time. Thanks to my family for a lesson in slowing down, being present and paying attention to what matters. I wonder how it will change the rest of my life?

So many applications and questions to take back at work and have me thinking, maybe you can help me answer some…

  • As an employer, how can we support people going through these life transformations?
  • With the rise of freelancers in the gig economy, how can we take the fear out of freelancing, so we can work around family health dramas?
  • In these changing times, how do we support people through these moments which need resilience (as well as sending them to the useful Employee Assistance Programs)?
  • What would you do in this situation, or what do you need to do?

Thanks for reading this post, helping me in my journey to balance family and work. Please also join with me in sending strength out to those going through similar events right now. Kia kaha.

Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com on September 4, 2018.

Anna Kingston

Written by

Anna lives and works on top of the world, in New Zealand, so she's open to new ways of seeing the world - especially in learning, leadership and mindset.

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