What it is like to be a nonfeminist sex worker on the Internet.

Today, very few people are still surprised when I self-identify as a nonfeminist. This wasn’t true when I first started openly calling myself so on the web, over five years ago. In fact, just two years ago I had a brief private message exchange with Phil LaMarr (yes of the MadTV and voice-over fame) at the end of which he was genuinely perplexed by my proclamation of a strong belief in anti-feminism. Today, the public awareness of nonfeminists and MRAs has devolved into a monster narrative. A narrative, which has been pushed over so far into the extreme of misinformation that I am met with open hostility and suspected of being against women’s rights, simply because I do not agree with the many toxic manifestations of feminism.

How far we have come….

Why do I insist on staying away from the feminist label, and in fact have created a counter-label for it, I hear you asking.

Feminism infantilizes women and convinces them that it is more empowering to guilt-force others into structuring women’s lives instead of accomplishing goals with our own might and skills. Feminism 3.0 — the Third Wave that found its way onto Internet and social media — became a new beast all of its own. Many important conversation about worker and human rights re: pornography /sex work have been taken to online battle arenas such as Twitter and Facebook. In fact, I have noticed an absolute prerequisite of stating “feminist” in a female performer’s Twitter bio in order for her to be taken seriously as a sex worker and be allowed to engage in discourse about her own wellbeing. While they are in the (vocal) minority, there is still a hefty group of people in the radical left political spectrum who a) identify as feminists and b) are adamant about not letting women chose what they do with their bodies.

Personally, I have noticed another manifestation of what looks to be an exclusionary club for girls and women. A club that is accepting only of those who blindly agree with feminism on principle. Or, as my new friend Vicky Valkyrie has put it: “You’re a really great model and it makes me so mad to see people treat you like crap just because you refuse to be a brainless bimbo …”

Now follow me through the journey of what it is like to be a nonfeminists sex worker on the Internet!…..

Exhibit A: Gods Girls. I uploaded my profile to “Purgatory” — the approval page for all potential models that is updated every week. Any model who gets 75% or more approval rating will become an official Gods Girl and voting is open to both members and fellow models. If I had known it would all go down like it did, I would have taken screenshots of my Purgatory page that was at 84% approval after only two days, with six exuberant comments excited about me becoming a Gods Girl, four of which were from other models.

Unfortunately, during this time I also had the gall to express my opinion on Twitter about infringement on human rights and due process. Here is that opinion:

According to a moderator at God’s Girls, this Tweet was making models feel unsafe. Apparently, that Tweet equated with me stating that all the women James Deen has been alleged of raping deserved it and I think he is the bee’s knees (despite being the only male performer on my “No” list). Seriously. That is exactly what she said:

I suppose all these models who were so scared of my presence on this site and absolutely did not want me there decided not to leave any comments or down ratings on my Purgatory page. But they did contact moderators, in droves, expressing their fears and discomfort. Yes, I am sure that is exactly what happened.

I gave -jenna a chance to respond and maybe smooth things over with an explanation of my intention behind the tweet, pointing out that it in no way was specifically discussing the James Deen allegations drama. There was no reply from her and zero attempt to change the erroneous view of events, which led to severe limiting of my financial and career possibilities through a wrongful account termination. I patiently waited for a response for two weeks before launching a few Tweets mentioning GodsGirls and their absolutely prejudiced treatment of women they consider guilty of “thought crimes”. There was a tremendous amount of support from my followers, and a lot of “you made us feel unsafe!” from one specific GodsGirls model who clearly has an issue with MRAs (and, apparently, zero appreciation for being invited as guest to a popular podcast to contribute her thoughts on a discourse relevant to her life and interests).

Que internet drama that lasted about 4–5 days and some ensuing hate mail in my Tumblr Ask calling me a rape apologist and otherwise slandering my name. I didn’t think twice of this unpleasant situation because I felt that I had dealt with it by warning the public of GodsGirls shifty behavior and I was moving on with life and work. After all, there are plenty of semi-known noodie sites like GodsGirls where I could develop my photography skills and network with other professional naked girls.

Speaking of which, at this time I have been waiting for a reply for six and eight months since my submission of two photosets to my main cosplay bread-and-butter —

Exhibit B: Cosplay Deviants. Their model liaison quickly replied with a promise to look into the situation and lo and behold, two days letter — on Christmas Eve — I got a two-sentence email from Cosplay Deviants CEO (and one of two owners, it’s a mom-and-pop business at its heart). He was terminating my status as a model without any explanation. Yes, I asked for a reason twice in email and in text messages as well. To date, I still have yet to get a reply from Troy Doerner.

Hence began my walkabout, out in the no woman’s land… parched for cosplay budget and looking for any lone shack with a light on that might take me in. I contacted my former cosplay partner's main competitor, and a relatively known welcome harbor for many resentful former Deviants —

Exhibit C: Geek Goddess.

Perhaps the most measured response of all came from Geek Goddess. After waiting close to six months after being “terminated” by Cosplay Deviants, I finally went through the drawn out (and somewhat abrasive to me, as an established professional in the field) process of applying to GeekGoddess and making sure nobody forgot to get back to me. Oracle was very professional and polite, inquiring into my beliefs and anti-feminist persona before closing the door of opportunity in my face. Very nice people indeed, but they still refused to either step away from the feminist line in the sand OR not big enough of a company to gracefully withstand any possible social media backlash. GeekGoddess thought they were being different by denying me a job but as I mentioned in my QED mic drop reply to Oracle, the only people who have actively blocked me or limited my financial opportunities within the geek community have been feminists and feminist men.

In fact, when occasionally browsing random extended social media connections, I often run into absolute strangers who have apparently blocked me on Twitter. This holds doubly true for sex workers, particularly queer ones in my NorCal area with whom I never exchanged a tweet nor knew their name until two seconds earlier and yet, BLOCKED. I was not on Randi Harper’s block list, mind you. Routinely checking for my handle did not bring it up in any of the major block bots but if they are still active and collecting data, maybe I finally got tagged.

(Author’s Note: New search revealed my Twitter handle is on Atheism+ The Block Bot list, despite my never claiming to be an atheist and having virtually no interactions with that community)

I gotta give it to the Internet and Twitter in particular. Is this real life?

It is more than a little unsettling to go from watching little Wesley Crusher on my TV screen to being blocked by Wil Wheaton, all within the same decade. Blocked for either poking fun at his announced decision to block everyone who says “Shut up, Wesley” or, and far scarier, without once interacting with me in a negative manner, blocked for being on the ‘wrong side’ of an identity politics game that some agitators tried making out of the #GamerGate movement.

For these feminists, apparently I am womaning wrong. Both of the people I favorably mentioned in my previous Medium post years ago have now blocked me on Twitter so should I take that as a sign? In the future, I will do no more name-dropping on the big M if I want to hang on to that causal relationship! (I kid. Mostly)

Basically what I am trying to say it, these random strangers are shitting on me and I don’t deserve it.

It is difficult not to give into extreme cases of shadowboxing and paranoia after something like this. Are they blocking me because everyone is talking about me? Is there a universal blacklist with my name circled in red a hundred times?

If you want to feminist, learn how to do it right.

What happened to Andrea Dworkin quote of accepting all women? Clearly accepting people with different opinions is too much to handle but can you people at least stay faithful to the ideology, which caused this rift between us in the first place?!

Or are you just being dicks? C’mon, be honest.

We are all friends here.

Tell me again how this is supposed to help me when all it does is remind me of being a social outcast growing up in school. Tell me again how you are so feminist by ostracizing a woman for her beliefs. Tell me.

UPDATE: Turns out Annaliese Nielsen (of the “hula girl Lyft” video infamy) is the radical feminist who founded GodsGirls.com

This really has nothing to do with anything specific, other than underscoring the ideological proclivity of the owners of the aforementioned online spaces and how they choose to wield their power, ultimately, against women.