And finding inner wholeness.

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He wants to go. He always wants to go somewhere. Staying is equivalent of stagnation. He loves freedom, and change, and ironically he finds it within the structures. Within linear lines, on highways speeding away somewhere not sure where, anywhere but here.

She wants to stay. She doesn’t want structure. She wants to wake up and take her time. Stay in bed, stretch. Maybe snuggle, make a cup of tea and go back to bed. Then slowly move through her day as if she is dancing.

He is smirking. He has to be somewhere. “Gosh, doesn’t she know we don’t…


And why it is important to do so

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Is it ego or is it a value of justice?

Is it me believing that I am unlovable or is it a value of freedom?

As I was debating over whether to post a negative but honest review over my experience at the hairdresser’s that left my hair slightly orange, my therapist was trying to figure out what was driving me. Why was it important to post it?

She thought it was unresolved anger — that I think it would make me feel better if I do it. A passive aggressive way of standing up for myself.
But the thing was…


And how to uncover them

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What if our shadows are trying to point to our light?

What if the shadow is just the other side of the coin, the destructive aspect that arises when we don’t give an outlet for our light to shine? So our gifts and talents find the way to come out but in a destructive way.

“People like you must create. If you don’t create, you will become a menace to society.” — Maria Semple, Where’d You Go, Bernadette.

When we don’t embrace our talents and gifts, we become a menace to ourselves.

This thought first visited me as I was…


And why I chose to listen

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I received an email that somebody wanted to adopt the bunny I’m fostering. I was torn apart, constantly going back and forth about whether I should keep her or let her go.

My heart said to keep her, but my mind did a tremendous job in rationalizing me out of it. Some of its arguments were very valid. Others, not so much. I couldn’t figure out whether it was my resistance to something or a fear of separation. The latter I observed numerous times.

In fear of losing someone, I’ve stayed in situations longer than I should have as my…


When everybody is looking but nobody sees you

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Few months ago in the psychotherapy program that I was doing at the time, one of my instructors was suspended because of the complaints made by some students. One of those complaints was about sexism. Yet that event left me puzzled. I kept pondering over what he might have said that was taken as sexist. Was I there? Did I miss something?

Later I found out what those students were referring to.

“Beauty as a disability” was a remark that he made in one of our classes. The lecture that I happened to remember so well.

He wasn’t talking in…


And what is the difference.

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Ultimately what holds you back or drives you forward is the thought in your mind of how something is going to feel. Truth is you never know until you do.

Lead with your heart, not your head.

Your mind will always be there to create stories, your heart might not always give you the why and the how but it will always show you the right way. Many people confuse ‘following your heart’ with following your mind’s attachment and investment into the object of love, and hence your thoughts.

You can follow your heart by loving someone and leaving.

You…


Who is behind our rational and irrational selves?

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“The author Karen Blixen said, ‘All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story or tell a story about them.’ But what if a person can’t tell a story about his sorrows? What if his story tells him?

Experience has taught me that our childhoods leave in us stories like this — stories we never found a way to voice, because no one helped us to find the words. When we cannot find a way of telling our story, our story tells us — we dream these stories, we develop symptoms, or we find ourselves acting in…


Beyond the self-improvement paradigm.

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Imagine two people living inside the head of one? Two different selves? An implanted consciousness within another consciousness as in that episode of Black Mirror. Only it is not your wife and you didn’t ask for it.

Or perhaps you did? Imagine if this is what we get in the next life? It is like, “Well, you guys loved each other so much and wanted to merge into one. Here you go, be careful what you wish for”.

But since we don’t remember our past lives, or whatever happened to us before our descension into this physical reality — and…


And so is the path to yourself

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“How do you make something right when you have made it so wrong you can never go back?

I just think you have to keep moving forward. ” — BoJack Horseman Season 3 Episode 1

And that is what I have always done. I just kept moving forward.

I cannot say it didn’t get me anywhere. It got me to many places. I got to see a substantial part of the world and I have only turned 27. I got to be in the rooms with people from all walks of life. I got to experience so many things that…


And why we struggle to do so.

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In my book club we are more than half way through Peggy Orenstein’s book “Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity”.

In Chapter 6 “I Know I am a Good Guy, but…”, she quotes some conversations that college boys shared with her that involve coercing girls to have sex or do things that they might not be comfortable doing. …

Anna Aksenovich

Therapist in Training | Yoga Teacher. Background in Sociocultural Anthropology. Seeking answers to the ultimate question: Why do we do things we do?

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