There are Only 2 Types of People in Relationships
Which type is you?
What is the difference between adults and children? It’s about the tendency to explain everything, sort things out, systemize and classify. Can it be used in the context of people’s relations? It can, especially when it concerns relations between a man and a woman.
Relationships built on partnership / codependence
According to a view of relationships and life in general, there are two types of people. The first type is basically exacting and picky, prone to assessing and building various classifications. I think everyone has met such “sophisticated” people who have advice for all occasions. Their attention is always focused on the outside, they are totally sure that the civilization will fall to ruin without their involvement because others just don’t know how to live.
And there is the other type whose primary object of attention is always themselves; they perceive the world around and realize themselves in this world.
They are capable of compassion and empathy, they respect other people and their desires. Meeting a new person, they automatically regard him/her as an individual, not as a means for solving some problems of theirs.
Happiness in a relationship can be achieved by either type — not only the latter.
It depends on how a person understands themselves and their type of thinking. When this understanding is coupled with acceptance, then a partner is chosen with due regard to the basic requirements of subconsciousness.
The thing is that people belonging to the first type write their story sticking to the script of “careful mommy” (when it’s a strong woman) or “careful father of the family” (when he is primarily the father for his infantile lady).
Neither script should be called entirely wrong. It’s merely one of the edges, one of the possible archetypes, and such families can be no less happy, providing they choose the right partner.
The second type is closer to what modern society calls “partnership relations.” Here equality plays the crucial role. In such relationships, both man and woman have equal rights and duties, share all the spheres of life equally and go through life shoulder to shoulder.
It is the very emancipation for which women fought for ages. Yet, it hardly means happiness either, just because it often leads to fight.
So where is the golden mean? Is there a universal secret of happy relationship?
Constructive and destructive love
Ideally, of course, your expectations should coincide with those of your partner. It’s best to express your aims and desires at once — to arrange everything while you’re “on the shore.” It would be sad for you to imagine something grand in solitude and then shed tears as your other half failed to meet your expectations.
You should have expressed your desires better, then. At first it’s essential to find out whether you are compatible.
It is the case when two equally valuable, psychologically stable individuals unite into one WE.
This we is characterized by:
Common interests and values; often they can be partners not only in family life but also in business.
The absence of worries and anxiety, because their life for the next few years is already planned.
The presence of spoken and maybe written agreements fixing the opportunity of either to preserve their personal space.
The absence of “disputes for quarrels.” Instead, there are respectful discussions where the partners exchange their opinions on some question and come to a common compromise solution.
With years, these couples do manage to erase the boundaries of their I and come to the common WE. But there are scarcely any prominent creative individuals, generators of ideas or geniuses among this group of people.
This love is painful. It presupposes the union of psychologically vulnerable people, usually deeply dependent on each other. It’s always a romance of two opposites. And it’s rather not a story about yin and yang but about rivalry, eternal fight for being a master. This features:
- The high level of anxiety based on the lack of confidence in oneself and the partner, constant fear about the relationship failing.
- A number of demands provoking conflicts, as both sides continue to fiercely defend their self.
- In quarrels — putting the blame on the other, the position of a victim.
In spite of all these obvious flaws, it’s only through suffering, only through hardship that true works of art can be created. That’s why creative people can live solely in destructive love.
The types described in this article are not an axiom. When it comes to love, there are no right or wrong solutions; sometimes happiness can really be achieved only through suffering. A true, genuine feeling can work miracles, and love is certain to save the world.