Writer’s block, a love note.

Hey,

It’s clear we haven’t been getting along lately. Our relationship has been strained for months. When you’re around, I feel like a stranger to myself. I can’t think straight, let alone communicate. It’s hard to explain what it feels like when you arrive unannounced in my home. It’s like a dark ominous cloud has settled on my shoulders.

Your silence is deafening, it’s distracting, it’s debilitating. I tried for years to live in harmony with you, side by side, but you kept intruding into my private thoughts and despite my desperate calls for you to stop, you didn’t listen. I tried to set boundaries and you simply ignored them, so what did you expect me to do? I made it clear I don’t want you around anymore. We agreed it would be healthier for both of us if you just left me alone. I thought we’d said our final goodbye. In fact, for the last month you haven’t shown your face and I was elated at last you’d listened. I was excited that our chapter had finally ended.

But tonight you exploded back into my world, unwelcome and unannounced. In an instant, I was pulled back to a place I hoped I’d never visit again.

Listen, I know you probably feel rejected. Maybe you think I don’t like you or that I don’t care about you anymore. Maybe you feel abandoned, or even worse, betrayed. And if you think that, I’m truly sorry. I didn’t want it to get to this point, and I don’t want either of us to feel this way anymore.

The truth is you drive me crazy but I know most (some) of the time you have my best interests at heart. Actually if I’m being honest with myself, there’s a small part of me that wants to say thanks.

Thank you for showing me that even when I’m completely derailed I have the power to get back on track. Thank you for teaching me that emptiness is an important part of the creative process. Thank you for appearing at impeccable times just to teach me a lesson about letting go of criticism and judgement and outside pressure. Thank you for encouraging me to stop and take a peek behind the curtain to see what’s really going on. And most of all, thank you for the times you slowly retreated as I started putting words on the page.

Love,

Anna