Re-evaluation

Coming to college, I can see myself growing — intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. I am currently in the process of throwing off my chains so that I can finally fly, but I did not expect that it would be such a painful process. I had to leave my parents, sister, and everything that I treasured. To get this far, I was even willing to let go of the boy I loved (long story short). Once in a while, I would go to a bar with my friends, and after a shot or two, my thoughts would get clouded with memories, both good and bad. They were beautiful, painful, and instrumental in shaping who I am today. But there is a time for everything, and I learned that this year was a time of moving on. If there’s one thing that 2014 taught me it’s that letting go is okay. Not everything is meant to stay in your life forever, and coming to that realization helps you find a way to cope with the loss. People come and go, but you can’t let that stop you from doing what’s best for yourself.

I am trying my best to be honest; about what I want, what I need, what I feel, and who I am. What I want? I want to be successful, not only monetarily, but also in achieving happiness. Though I used to strive for the sky, I began to strive for the universe. I want it all, or nothing at all. What do I need? I am still in the process of searching. But I know what I do not need in my life, and it is people or things that bring me down. I am aligning myself with people who support my growth and sending off the rest with love. What do I feel? I struggle with this question the most; my heart contains multiple paradoxes. I can love and hate a person at the same time; laugh while on the verge of crying. I feel tired but unproductive, happy but empty. Who am I? I am a girl in pursuit of truth.

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