How Stoicism can help you deal with Dumb Mistakes
Alternate title: Amor Fati & Parking Fines
Oh no. The white note flickered on the windshield as I approached the car, squinting in disbelief.
Maybe it’s trash? Not a chance. I snatched it off — $112 for parking over the limit in a two hour zone.
‘UGH’ I screamed into the night, like some kind of werewolf triggered by local council authority. This is not what I need right now! (is a parking violation ever something you need?)
I wasn’t going to write this. I didn’t want to the world to know that I’ve relinquished the incredibly average boast of having never received a parking ticket. But instead of condemning myself to be a terrible, inconsiderate citizen for eternity (that’s how correlation works, right?), why not shove some Stoicism into practice? After all, a philosophy created during times of war and strife isn’t just applicable to hardship… it should also be able to help with the banalities.
‘My formula for greatness in a human being is Amor Fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it’ — Nietzsche
Like many lay-people who’ve read the inner thoughts of timeless bamf Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations, I’ve become interested in Stoicism and it’s practical applications. I won’t bore you by reiterating the simple foundations Stoicism provides for living a good life, plenty of other writers do that with more grace than my bad philosophical caricatures, but I will touch on my enthusiasm for ‘Amor Fati’. While not directly linked to the ancient Stoics, the phrase is valuable in turning the art of acceptance into a neat, memorable mantra - and can make you sound like the smartest wanker in the room at parties.
Amor Fati. From Latin it roughly translates to ‘love your fate’, i.e…
- Embrace whatever happens to you because you probably can’t change it anyway.
- Align yourself with your fortune by desiring things exactly as they are.
- Appreciate obstacles for their advantages, there’s good in everything.
A practitioner of Amor Fati needn’t be naive or optimistic, just willing to accept what happens outside their control — good AND bad — with an almost affectionate kind of gratitude. Quite the mental stress ball.
Now, my life hasn’t been affected by any actual hardship, but embracing Amor Fati sure has been successful in dealings with the (often-irritating) everyday.
- Lost files that weren’t backed up? GOOD, at least this happened with personal files, not client ones, and will remind me back up more rigourously.
- Sick? GOOD, use this time to rest and catch up on The Crown.
- Live far away from friends? GOOD, appreciate the time you do spend with them.
- Stuck in traffic? GOOD, time to start listening to that new album I’ve been putting off (why do we put off things we enjoy???)
- Feeling stuck? GOOD, use this time to re-examine life and what you want out of it.
- Laptop needs (an expensive) repair? GOOD, while it’s getting fixed you can read more and have renewed appreciation for the delicacy of your possessions.
Stressful situations, easily reframed. Ciao heart palpitations, hello tranquility!
But surely Amor Fati isn’t applicable to everything. There’s no GOOD in a parking fine, is there? I remember staring at that fat $112 as it taunted my bad decision. I was annoyed at myself for not parking somewhere else, angry at the council for a seemingly arbitrary rule, and enraged at the poor soul who dealt out fines for a living. What are inspectors doing in this suburb at 8pm on a Thursday anyway?! Not my proudest train of thought.
When dumb shit happens, your fault or otherwise, it’s easy to complain.
But badmouthing life’s banalities only creates a stifling atmosphere of toxicity, and who wants to live in that? Nah uh, being regularly disgruntled is the perfect recipe for discontent. So instead of choosing to have a grouchy drive home, I took a deep breath and basked in acceptance. It felt silly, but what other option was there? Go back in time and park somewhere else? When you can’t fight reality, accepting what happens is the only sane option.
It’s unnatural to feel gratitude for things we never wanted in the first place, but there can always be some benefit in the adversity. Even when the adversity is something as trivial as a parking fine. ALRIGHT, I’ll abide by the signs from now on! It might save me from a more expensive penalty down the road. Even when barely perceptible, you can always find the good in a situation and be not just content, but cheerful for it.
‘The blazing fire makes flames and brightness out of everything thrown into it’ — Marcus Aurelius
It’s only money. I’m alive and healthy and so are my loved ones. I’ve turned the situation into material and bloody well written about it. Everything’s just fine.
Amor Fati — love whatever happens. It’s your only option.
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I’m a photographer / writer based in Sydney. You can follow me on social @annaholling and view my work at https://annah.co/.
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