What did you have for breakfast today?

No, this gross thing isn’t it… but close.

Most days I wake up feeling more tired than ever. (I don’t know why all of the tossing and turning isn’t considered 8 hours of cardio.) So I first take a shower, then put on something I consider acceptably stylish, and I finally go to the kitchen to make the same mediocre breakfast.

I mentioned cardio and stylishness in an attempt to explain my level of effort towards self-care. The goal is to maintain my current body type so I can eat whatever I want when I don’t care enough. Oh and in public, I want to be able to pretend like “weight” isn’t something that ever crosses my mind.

If I eat a full breakfast, I’m still probably going to eat at least 5 snacks, a full lunch, and maybe a hot chocolate or two at work. That full breakfast will leave me feeling like a floating turd the rest of the day.
So instead I put one broken banana, one spoonful of peanut butter, and a splash of vanilla soy milk into a blender. This milkshake liqueur is then poured into a coffee cup like an adult. I chug it down in about a minute. This has been my breakfast routine for about 6 months now.

I read somewhere that “thick” shakes help people lose weight because they keep you fuller longer. Cool. Great. But honestly, I’m surely going to eat something the moment I get to work. “Thickness” isn’t going to minimize my diet in any capacity.

Mostly I’m just pulling for the extra protein since I’m a vegetarian. And seriously, it tastes like a god damn milkshake.

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