Your words, internalised
We all have that inner voice right? The daily dialogue with ourselves, assessing our choices, discerning our judgement? I know it’s not just me…
I spent years with this part of me in absolute control over my sense of ‘self’, my self-image, self-worth, self-understanding; all ultimately defined by the words I was using to talk about myself. The self talk became a pattern, a habit, and when things went wrong I would internalise everything. All of it.
It took me a very long time and a lot of introspection to realise that this self talk was defining not only the sense of who I was, but my outward experience of my life and eventually, I realised that I had the ability to change it. I realised that the world around me and specifically the language that I used and listened to I internalised; the negativity or dramatic language in a television program, or just sitting in a really low-vibe environment. I don’t throw the word empath around lightly, but I found myself emulating certain phrases or behaviours. Even methods of self-judgement.
I was drifting ever farther away from my true self.
Any and everything from my weight to diminishing talking about my achievements with friends in fear that I would a) sound like I was bragging, and b) make them feel bad. It was everything but my truest me, and I was suffering for it.
And then something gave, something literally broke inside of me and I had no choice but to confront the reality that I had created. I had to take a step outside myself and witness the carnage of self-talk that I was creating. I realised it had to stop, because I was the worst enemy to me that anyone could ever had been. I was destroying my self-esteem.
I decided, whole-heartedly, for the sake of being the best human I could be for my tiny daughters, that it would stop.
I took back my control. I want to tell you that you can too.
A few years later and I can tell you that the liberation of feeling at peace with exactly who I am today has given me the freedom be evolve and become the greatest, truest me I have ever been. I no longer confine myself to a set of beliefs or standards that don’t come from within, and if I begin that self-talk, I quickly remind myself that my words are literally creating the reality I exist within.
Sounds like woo-woo nonsense? Well, perhaps, but human psychology has shown the power of both positive and negative words numerous times over. Even plants struggle to thrive when they are told constantly that they are hated. If you have two minutes to spare, check this video out. There are countless like it.
Our thoughts and words are affirmations to ourselves, be them positive or negative. You have a choice in the words that you speak and use to describe yourself, it is a discipline rooted in self-love or self-destruction.
When trying to explain this to others I ask them to say what it was they were thinking about themselves out loud — there is often an absurdity in being confronted by a thought which you have given a voice. And then ask yourself if you would say what you said to someone you love, how do you think it would make them feel?
Truth is, even if you aren’t consciously aware of it, that negative emotion is being held within you, as pain or as a belief, and you can bring awareness to it and decide that you won’t be telling yourself that anymore.
I make a point now of complimenting myself now when I look in the mirror and think something negative. If I feel frumpy, overweight or notice something I don’t like, I give myself a compliment. I look myself straight in the eye and I say it, out loud.
Our truest sense of self comes from within and only from us, it doesn’t need to be affirmed or boosted by others; that collective vision of what the world or our peers deems beautiful or acceptable. You don’t have to subscribe to or internalise those opinions, you have the power to redefine who you are from the inside out, and in turn that will change how you experience your outer world.
Our words are the self-beliefs we internalise; make a choice to keep them positive.
