Romance shaming

What are you reading these days?”

“Oh, nothing good. Just some trashy romance.”

Why do people feel the need to either downplay the joy of reading a romance novel or shame those who do? Romance, in some aspect, is part of most novels whether they be sci-fi, mystery, detective, or historical. Most times, that romance is between two people, but occasionally, it is between a person and his/her country, family or friends.

By definition, “romance” means a love affair. Love motivates people to join the military, teach, support his/her family, make babies, and — well — live. Ergo, Life IS romance.

Still, if a woman (never a man!) is seen reading a “bodice ripper” book in public, she is often teased or downright harassed for reading such trash. Interestingly enough, some sources state that since the pandemic, the number of men reading romance books has risen to 16%. Still, these are more often than not referred to as chicklit and therefore, not of a serious or worthy nature.

Yes, many of these books follow a pattern of boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back, they live happily ever after. However, don’t many other genres also follow a pattern? Think of Joseph Campbell’s Heroic Journey for example. It isn’t the pattern that matters, it’s what happens inside that pattern.

Here’s one of my theories. Romance books focus on emotions — something writers in other genres sometimes glance over. Emotions are frightening. they are unpredictable, incalculable, and intangible. In real life, they frighten us, so naturally they frighten readers. Who wants to face that which is frightening? No one! Romance readers, however, dive into that pool of unknown emotions and by reading how characters deal with their own and others’ emotions, they may gain insight into their own emotions. And what is gained from this knowledge? Empathy.

This, my friends, takes courage. Empathy is a skill which allows one to not only identify, but understand another person’s emotions. And remember, emotions are messy. In order to gain empathy one must allow ones self to actually FEEL. In our society, much emphasis is placed on control, logic, and reason, all of which has its place. However, in order to truly live, one must also FEEL.

Romance novels are not trashy reads for small minded women. They are dares. They dare readers to confront not only their own emotions, but those of the people around them as well.