Out with the old, in with the new.
THE OLD
I fell in love and it was beautiful, till it wasn’t. I thought that I had found my person and even if we wouldn’t be together forever, at least we would be together for a long time. He was different, he brought a different feeling and I embraced it wholeheartedly because in my head, every past fling I’d ever had was a joke and we were just playing around the way kids do, I mean I just clocked 20 this year, of course I would count every relationship/fling I had before then as unserious.
Before him, I had been single for 2 years, I was comfortable with it, but I’d admit that there were times that I just wanted my own person. I had numerous flings in-between those periods and my friends would constantly make jokes about my talking stages but they were nothing official, and then I met him. Honestly, I would say that he was everything I wanted, progressive, good with English and he seemed kind and so we hit it off.
I would say that life is so funny because you and your partner could be talking about seeing each other and then you fall asleep hoping to wake up to his message the next day. You infact do wake up to his message, but it’s not something that would make you smile, it’s something that made you want to cry, but your heart is so hardened that you can’t even cry on your own and so you play Olivia Rodrigo’s driver’s licence to assist with the tears.
THE AFTERMATH
I’ll start of by saying that I’m grateful for my friends, I love them so much and I probably would have made so many terrible and horrible decisions without them, friendship truly is one of the greatest things in the world.
After the shocking and unexpected break up, I texted my closest friends that morning, I was hurt, very hurt and in that moment I resented him. Through out this process of grieving what I lost, my friends were very supportive, Jade even told me to come to her place so that I could cry and that is honestly a true act of love. Also, it is necessary for your girl friends to hate your ex much more than you do, it’s a canon event.
And then after two days, I stopped thinking about it often but I did still think about it and I still tried to make sense of it.
“Do not do anything that you would be too ashamed to tell us"
Peju said those words to me on our group chat and that was my compass for making decisions concerning that failed relationship.
I eventually got over it, stopped thinking about it but I still stalked his account till I caught a sub that was probably tweeted at me. I really should have been more discreet with stalking.
When someone you love stops loving you, you will hurt and your heart will ache and you will cry especially if it is not something you had seen coming or if there was no chance for you to detach yourself from it, but you wil be fine, you will get over it and even though you won’t forget that it happened, it just will not matter anymore.
THE NEW
I fell in love again, and it is still so beautiful, maybe because I fell in love with the most beautiful soul with the most beautiful eyes and the prettiest smile ever.
Our story is that of an enemies to lovers trope, all though the enmity was one sided, it was on my side. I don’t know if he was always in awe of me, he probably was, but I just think that it’s funny and also beautiful at the same time how it is possible to find love in the most unexpected and strangest of places and people, because I would have never thought that this would happen to us.
One of my favourite things about him is how he’s very expressive about his love for me and as a first born daughter in a Nigerian home, it is the realest thing ever, everybody truly deserves to experience that.
I am happy, that I get to experience him and his beauty, soul and kindness, I grieved a thing I lost but I got something even better.
I am not one to turn my back on love because of a bad experience, I love love and I’m glad that I’m experiencing it in its truest and purest form.
When one door closes, another one opens.
This is a new phase of my life and I am absolutely in love with it as much as I am in love with him.
One day I might probably write an ode to him, they say that this is the best thing about dating a writer, being their muse, I’m certain that he loves being my muse.
I want to keep this as short as possible because it isn’t a concluded chapter in my life yet, it’s still very much open and as time goes on, I’d fill it with more things and words of adoration.
I can’t see the future and I don’t know if we’ll do this forever, but I know that this feels very lovely and forever wouldn’t hurt.
You will love, you will hurt, you will grieve and then you’ll love again because you’re human. Embrace it.
