
Are We Really Supposed to be Happy All The Time?
Buy this supplement, do this workout, meditate for 33 minutes 3 times per day, drink a green smoothie in the morning, put a smile on your face to trick your brain into thinking you’re happy, buy this self help book, attend my workshop, get a life coach, spend time in solitude, get involved in the community…
You get the point.
We’re being sold the idea that if we aren’t living our lives out of pure, genuine joy, then there is something inherently wrong that we need to fix.
While all of these things I’ve listed above are things that I have done (more or less) and they have helped me immensely, whenever I’m at a low point, I now feel that I instantly need to fix it; that there’s something that I have to do.
It’s like an itch I can’t stop scratching.
What about authenticity? What about being where we are without immediately trying to be somewhere else?
I don’t know about you, but some days, I wake up with a heaviness in my heart. Some days I feel that I know what the core of it is and some days I don’t even attempt to figure it out.
I know that when this heaviness comes up, the more I deem it as wrong or bad, the more I push it away, I allow it to follow me around throughout the day.
So, what can you do to welcome this part of you that has just as much of a purpose for you as Love, Joy, and all of those other really juicy feelings that we enjoy.
Ask the part what it wants. Example: I wake up with a heaviness in my chest, and I ask that part of me…What do you want from me feeling like this? That part may respond by saying “stay in bed”
Have a conversation with the part. Maybe this is your third day in a row working overtime, going hard at the gym, having phone conversations with friends, and maybe this part just wants some alone time. Let that part know your obligations, and let it know that tonight, when you get home from work, you’ll turn off your phone, have a cup of tea, and run a bath. Ask the part if it is satisfied and if not then continue the conversation.
- Be with the part, but avoid attaching to it. Pay close attention to your language. Say I wake up with this heaviness in my chest, I can allow myself to simply be present with it.
Think about it this way, I can say to myself: “I’m sad again, oh great today’s going to suck. I should probably cancel my date tonight. No ones going to like me like this anyway. Why do I feel like this? There must be something wrong with me. Maybe I’m depressed. I should call a healer or therapist to help me.”
Or, I could say to myself “Ah, This feeling… Hello, welcome back!” or Simply “I’m experiencing heaviness.”
The latter allows you to be more in control. It allows you to feel that feeling, acknowledge it, and move on. Notice how in the second example I didn’t say to myself, “It’s just a bad day.” because when you do that, you are setting yourself up for the potential of feeling this the whole day, when in reality, this feeling could pass in a moment.
Rumi’s poem The Guest House speaks to this perfectly:
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Rumi
Welcome all parts of you and have a new experience today!