Beans, Garlic, and Silence: Discovering My Father’s Untold Stories
What I wish I knew about my father’s upbringing and the legacy he left behind. How well do you know your father?
My father’s birthday was earlier this month and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He passed over fifteen years ago and as I continue to write about my own parenting journey, there are more questions than ever.
Raised in a small Philadelphia Catholic neighborhood, his parents came to the United States from Italy as children. Sadly, I don’t know much more than that.
There was much scrimping and saving. My father would not permit my mother to ever prepare any kind of bean dish for dinner, telling us that he had eaten too many beans as a kid. Plus he hated garlic. What Italian doesn’t like garlic?
Why didn’t I ever ask him about these food issues? What exactly did he eat as a kid?
One of his favorite stories was from his altar boy days. The family lived very close to their church and he served mass frequently from an early age.
However, one Sunday, the priest told him to leave in the middle of mass. My father had inherited his larger-sized brother’s shoes which were making loud clopping noises on the altar.
Why didn’t I ever ask him, was money that tight? What kind of job did my grandfather have?
As kids, we always want something from our parents. My dad’s job took him to center city each day and so he was not around much during the week. At dinner, he said that he talked all day and wanted some “peace and quiet” as he enjoyed his meal. On the weekends, there were four of us asking: take us swimming, pump up our bike tires, check our homework, let’s play a game.
“Aspettt, aspett,” he would say. I didn’t know what that meant, just that he was putting me off. Then I would begin to pester him even more.
It wasn’t until I was watching an Italian movie years later that I heard the word, which prompted me to look it up. He was telling me to wait … wait.
Why didn’t I ever ask him about being a parent, being a father … what did he do for fun when he was a kid?
He was a determined guy, I do know that. Saint Joseph’s College in 1953 never saw a more earnest student. Smart enough to work in the science labs , he earned extra cash. A natural at math, he was intent on finding a “creative writing job,” and decided to major in English.
The one thing I thought I knew about my dad was — he wasn’t funny.
He worked many years as an advertising creative director, winning a Clio in the humor category. Imagine my surprise.
The language, the beans, the garlic were all reminders of a life he wanted to leave. What kind of life was he looking for? Now, I would give anything to know more.
Do you know your father’s most defining trait? I decided to gather the most famous DADs from the entertainment world and quiz my readers about their most endearing quality.
How do we remember our Dads? This will get you started …
Download the What Kind of Father? quiz and choose the most memorable trait for each of the well-known film and TV dads. Then think about your father’s defining style and let me know in the comments.
What ONE word you would choose for your dad?
My father’s word: Striving
Thanks Dad, I learned from the best. I strive to be a better mom, wife, writer and human every day.
Anna Maria DiDio is an author whose memoir and adoption-themed children’s books can be found on her Amazon author page. Her latest book is Grace’s Write Time.
