Hat, Haircut, and Tattoo Decisions: Then and Now

Which kind of decision-maker are you?

Writer James Clear talks about three different types of decisions. Most are like hats; see how it fits and it you don’t like it, try another. This is when I try on five different outfits before going out to dinner.

Other decisions are like haircuts. It may not be the right path at first blush, but it will work out eventually. I immediately thought of the infinite number of times and ways I tried to straighten my mess of curls. There was never a chance that my hair would be pin straight, so why not try every remedy in the book to see what would work?

Then there is the tattoo decision. You gotta live with whatever mistake you made. Tattoo removal is an option, but like a bad decision, correction is painful. Marriage, children, career choices fit in this category.

One of the best decisions I made years ago was to join a group called Women’s Connection. The dues were for a twelve-month period, more than enough time for the haircut to grow out. Women’s Connection is an organization for women over fifty years of age offering meaningful social opportunities in any area you can think of. The Philadelphia Chapter has over four-hundred members who read books, go to movies, happy hours, museums, restaurants, volunteer gigs and more. You get the picture.

There is a unique opportunity within Women’s Connection to join a “peer group.” As an additional way to forge connections — ten to twelve women are assigned somewhat at random and typically meet monthly to discuss topics or issues important to them.

At our July meeting, we delved into the decision making paradigm mentioned above. Here is what I learned.

When I took inventory on the decisions that I have made throughout my life, they ran the gamut of hats, haircuts and tattoos. However, in my younger years, every decision felt like a make or break tattoo, when in fact they were haircuts, maybe even hats.

We drank iced tea and traded some similar stories. Predictably, children ended up being the biggest tattoo time of life. No give backs in that area. Husbands, not so much. However, it was particularly meaningful for me as I recalled signing the adoption agreement for my youngest daughter over twenty years ago. I had never been so sure and so scared.

Our adoption journey took over three years providing lots of time to process. There was something so very final about picking up our new daughter at the airport and not being able to speak a word of English to her. She was also traumatized and proceeded to cry for months on end. Tattoo or no tattoo, we questioned ourselves for quite some time.

For many of us, career decisions felt as permanent as black ink. Around the table, we laughed and marveled at how serious we were as budding professionals. To me, it feels like a lot of wasted energy now.

At the current time, my approach to decision making has changed dramatically. I said good-bye to the corporate life (or rather it said good-bye to me) years ago. Which begs the question: What constitutes a legit tattoo decision today other than your final resting place?

Recently, both of my daughters made pretty big decisions for which I had my own conflicting thoughts. Any by that I mean, conflicting with their thoughts.

These were not my decisions to make, but for my loved ones, I thought it was important to give them the tattoo treatment. I weighed in appropriately when asked, but then made the commitment not to share every thought I had about their plans. That left one course of action: to support them one hundred percent. And that was hard.

When I recalled memories of family reactions to my big decisions of years ago, those words still sting. The lack of support stayed with me for a long time.

I didn’t want those negative thoughts for my girls. What is crucial for me right now is that they know I will be there for them and support them in any way that I can.

It’s comforting to know that I have a peer group for bouncing hat, haircut or tattoo decisions. At this point in my life, tattoos are a no, haircuts are maybe and hats only matter if they are on my team. (Go Phils! and Fly Eagles Fly!)

Anna Maria DiDio is a writer and children’s author whose memoir and adoption-themed children’s books can be found on her Amazon author page.