How Did I Get Here?
Dear Nan,
How were you so brave?
Flying over Melbourne, moving to a foreign place, it was as if I was experiencing my own grief as well as yours.
Your courage and strength is something I keep coming back to when I have that fleeting moment of.. ‘ah shit, do I want to do this’. No phones, no instant connection to ease that loneliness, no flow of supportive messages from family just checking in or a call from your best friend.
How did you do it?
Courage- comes from the latin word cor which means ‘heart’. To live with heart. You were courageous. As Osho says, courage is not the absence of fear, it is, rather, the total presence of fear, with the courage to face it.

Moving to Australia away from family for a new life. With that bravery, you have created two more generations of life. Two more generations who have unbelievably blessed lives.
The pull inside me started last year, like a tidal wave throughout my body. The wave worked its way into every aspect of my life. A wave pushing for me to uproot everything. It is almost impossible to articulate. It sounds like a shitty google quote, but it was definitely something that was felt, not thought. It makes and made no rational sense.
I wonder what you felt inside.
It seemed the comfort in my life was making me uncomfortable and the uncomfortable was giving me comfort. I am well aware this feeling is something that is only available because of my privilege but nonetheless it was a pull to do something more.
Privilege. The concept of this has haunted me for years married with this drive to not only be aware of it but to be able to put it to good use. It has taken me years to try and find a balance to work with this, rather than against it. Struggling with the constant feeling of guilt for being happy, for buying clothes, for eating delicious food. I needed to get over myself a little and challenge some assumptions I had about the world.
Without your initial courage to jump ship (literally) and then your courage to make it work, I wouldn’t be here. Not here just in a literal sense, but sitting here- independent, educated, content and full of love. The constant sharing of your stories has shaped me beyond comprehension, I think the awareness of how much opportunity surrounded me started somewhere in those stories.
One of our last conversations, you turned to me and said. ‘Anna- you are young, go and live. Go on an adventure’.
So here I am- embarking on an adventure to hopefully share a little bit of myself and to learn, grow and learn some more. In Battambang. Drawing from your courage and surrounded by people across the world who are my shining lights- I am going to roll with this wave.
And to think it has only been 4 days (not even).
And for my Lee & Ste- This post is best followed up with a glass of red and Rod Stewart- Rhythm of My Heart.
xxx
