It Takes More Than Leaning In
How to have a thick skin as a woman in Silicon Valley
When I saw Nina Burleigh’s Newsweek article about sexism in Silicon Valley and then Rachel Sklar’s Medium post Stop Equating Women In Tech With Engineers I had knots in my stomach. As a woman in technology, I believe it’s time to move from chatter about the evident problems into a dialogue about solutions. We can not put a band-aid on a wound that’s never going to heal behind a band-aid because it can’t breathe. Let’s rip the band-aid off once and for all.
I’ve been in the tech industry, for ten years, since launching my first startup at the age of 21. I’m still here holding strong, although, it hasn’t been easy. I don’t have an engineering background. I have a BA in business and am a self-taught digital marketing strategist. In 10 years, I’ve raised a little over $10 million dollars as a female founder.
Why do you think I chopped off my hair?
Even with the success I’ve had as a woman in Silicon Valley, I’ve also had some really dark moments. Katie Jacobs Stanton’s Medium post My first and last time at the Crunchies hit home for me. As she writes, “Calling someone a bitch is totally OK here in the Valley…but it shouldn’t be.” What we don’t often read about is the impact of discrimination. What does that do to a person’s psyche? What does that do to a person’s confidence? I was harassed and discriminated against, in fact it’s the reason I left my last startup as a co-founder and cut off my hair. I cut off my hair because I wanted to look less feminine. This is not easy to talk about, but I believe if we share our stories, our community will become stronger. I believe if we share our stories, we will start to move from chatter into a solution. Things are not going to change overnight, but I believe anything is possible.
Lean backwards
I read Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean-in, and I think its great, but how do you lean-in in a room with twelve white men sitting around the table, looking at you as if they’re expecting a lap dance? It’s hard to lean-in in the Valley. When fundraising in 2011, a VC said to me: “I didn’t think a woman could write a business plan. It’s hard to believe.” I’ve talked to 100s of women, who are mentors and friends, all respectable women in tech and every one of them had a similar story. The list goes on... ENOUGH! Lets stop the madness and do something.
Women need to support women
When I came to my first conference at age 21, most women wouldn’t give me the time of day. It was a jungle out there. Thankfully organizations like Women 2.0 came along to grow mentorship programs among women, but this issue still exists. Many of us simply don’t want to help one another. Once again, let’s STOP the cattiness and help each other. It really is that simple, the more chances we give one another, the better. Please let me know how I can help you, I have a large network of women and men who are available for mentorship of all levels.
Don’t give up
I was recently invited to attend the Tech Superwoman Summit and I was very inspired by founder Cat Posey’s closing remarks, “Don’t give up; continue to stand up for yourself.” You are not alone. I want to make this very clear; we have your back. What do you do if you’re being discriminated against right now? Report it immediately to your superior, your human resources department or talk to a lawyer. You can also go to wehadenough.co and post an anonymous message. Wehadenough is a non-profit initiative founded to stop harassment against women in technology. We really had enough. Join the effort and let’s use technology to make a change. Let’s wipe out inequality in tech all together. Wehadenough will be publishing anonymous and candid stories via Medium to remove that band-aid and let our voices be heard.
Call to action
Most women who suffer harassment at work go into depression, burnout or withdrawal. It’s not easy to come forward and admit to the harassment because we feel ashamed and most of the time women are afraid to lose their jobs and not be hirable in the future. That’s why we need this initiative. With your help we can offer counseling and legal help to women in tech who have suffered harassment.
I’m here to stay, and I’m growing my hair out again. I don’t regret any of what I’ve experienced, it makes me a stronger person with a thicker skin, thick enough to make a difference. I’ve had enough, and its time to heal and move forward and be brave together.
