The 5 Stages Of Grief For A Person Who Has Never Seen Hamilton

Anna Roisman
Jul 24, 2017 · 5 min read

At age 11 you sat in the 3rd row of Rent and sang every lyric until a woman shushed you during the second act. You had no idea what aids was but you sure knew a great tune when you heard it. Live theater is unlike any other form of performance because everyone in the room gets to experience the story together. You were with them in Rent, and you could take that memory with you wherever you went…with a disc-man, of course.

Fast forward to 2015 when a little show called Hamilton was born. The hottest show to grace the scene since Rent entered the universe! It was exciting, it was different, it was rapping about history and it was blowing people’s minds. The show was written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, you know, the guy who wrote In The Heights! Everyone loved In The Heights! You saw it twice by winning the lottery, of course. You’’ve seen tons of shows via lotteries that probably add up to less than 1 mediocre mezzanine ticket for Hamilton. But it has now been 1 year since Hamilton transferred to Broadway and you still haven’t seen it. Careful! Don’t say it too loud or you’ll lose friends! Oh but you’ve tried. You’ve tweeted jokes, pleas, and bribes to try and get a ticket. You’ve thought of celebrities you served coffee to in restaurants you worked in years ago who might have an extra seat for you. You’ve thought about selling things like jewelry or organs. We’ve all been there!

You’ve gone through a roller coaster of emotions in the past year and the only way to describe it is: Grief. You’ve been experiencing Hamilton Grief, and you are not the only one! Some of you might be in a group chat with other friends who have never seen the show. You once set up a plan to wait on the cancellation line for 48 hours by rotating shifts, but then realized you wouldn’t be able to show up to your day job and would probably get fired so you nixed the plan. But when you’re experiencing Hamilton Grief, your brain still thinks, “Who needs health insurance when you can watch a 2 hour hip hop musical about our nation’s history!?” So for the one year anniversary of Hamilton on Broadway, this is an actual document of a journey of not seeing Hamilton on Broadway: The 5 Stages of Hamilton Grief.

STAGE 1: DISAPPOINTMENT

So, there’s this hot new show and you wanna try the in-person lottery. Tickets are only $10! What a steal! You show up to the theater and there are thousands of people with the same hopes and dreams as you. You enter your name and your friend enters theirs and you wait around believing in luck. The person drawing names is immediately attractive to you. You want to smile at them (that is, if you’re not swallowed up by a crowd of people yet). As they say names that begin with the first letter to your name, your body cramps up, ready to explode. But then, 25 names are called that are NOT your name. You look at your friend and justify your afternoon by saying something like, “Well, we tried!” You’re disappointed. For the last hour you pictured yourself sitting in an air conditioned, beautiful theater, experiencing a show just like any other rich person with an orchestra ticket. But, it didn’t happen, so you feel down. You’ll try again, but man, wouldn’t it have been nice?

STAGE 2: ANGER

Ok, you’ve done this lottery thing about 10 times now. You lied to your boss on numerous occasions to get out of work early in order to rush to Times Square to enter your name in time. You’ve sweat through your clothing to get to the theater and then your name is not called. You’re pissed off. It’s not fair. You discover you’re surrounded by people who have ALREADY SEEN the show?! You’re angry. You are allowed to be angry. People are listening to the soundtrack non-stop and making funny videos and referencing the show and YOU HAVE NOT HAD THE CHANCE TO SEE IT. You want to punch your iphone screen every time you come across another instagram of the Hamilton playbill. The anger has set in and you don’t know if you’ll get over it.

STAGE 3: HOPE

What’s that? A DIGITAL LOTTERY has been launched? Hamilton at your fingertips?! Easy! You will for sure win this. You thought you were done-zo with this show but now you can enter in your information on your cell phone OR computer and then you will win tickets to see Hamilton! Finally! You will be at peace! Beautiful story! You’re feeling hopeful for this opportunity. You start to enter every single day. It hasn’t happened yet, but hey, 8 months is nothing in the timeline of LIFE, right? You’ve memorized the rejection email: “Try Again!” and you think to yourself, “OK! I will!” Your skin is thicker. You’re a tough New Yorker, you’ve been through worse. Even on the days when you wake up feeling down, as soon as your enter your information into the lottery, you have a suspended moment of hope and it’s worth it. You might get to see this show before you die! Or you’ll die knowing you tried really hard!

STAGE 4: FEAR

You’ve now gotten to the point where everyone you know has won this so-called lottery and you haven’t and you’re feeling scared you will NEVER see this show. But what’s more scary than not seeing Hamilton? The fear of hating it. What if you’re the one person who sees it and thinks, “meh, it was ok?” Will you have friends? Will you be able to walk around NYC comfortably? Does this make you a Trump supporter? You got a C in a history class once… and you definitely do not listen to rap music. YOU MIGHT HATE IT?! All of your efforts might be a waste! How will you tell your friends who know and love this show? Will you fake it? Some people are even working out to the Hamilton soundtrack… will you ever be able to tell them you think that’s lame? The fear is taking over your brain and therefore you have less time to worry about winning or not. You aren’t sure this is even for you anymore. You’re scared, and you should be.

STAGE 5: THERE IS NO HAMILTON

That’s right. This is the stage where you’ve convinced yourself that this is not a real show. This whole “lottery” thing is actually a conspiracy theory. It’s probably ISIS trying to get you to share your information with them every single day so they can crush your dreams come 4pm. It feels healthy to believe that this show does not even exist than it does to think that you will someday see it. You’ve unfollowed any friends who have seen the show and posted that playbill picture. Do they just stick you in a big room and email you a .jpeg of the Hamilton playbill cover so you can Instagram it and then they escort you out to Times Square? Probably. Because it’s not a real show. This Lin-Manuel Miranda guy seems cool in interviews but wow what a stunt he pulled on the great white way, huh? There is no need to even enter the lottery sometimes because you’re wasting your precious time. You might as well text a friend to see if they want to go and eat ice cream. Ice cream will make you feel better, because you’ll never see Hamilton…it doesn’t even exist.

My name is Anna Roisman, and despite everything I have written, this morning I entered the lottery at 9am.

Anna Roisman

Written by

Comedian, host, producer, writer in NYC. She is the creator of "The Unemployed Show." www.AnnaRoisman.com

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