Let your friendships carry you through the crisis

We get by with a little help from our friends — especially during a global pandemic

Depending on where you are, this is week two, three or four of social distancing. For me, it’s week four, but if you told me it was week 46, I’d believe you. All of the days feel the same, most of the days feel dark. What brings the light? My friends.

Because in the midst of this catastrophic situation, I wholeheartedly believe that friendships are coming out on top. Families are under a lot of stress, romantic relationships are being put to the test, your co-workers are annoying as hell because well, we’re all on edge. But friendships? Friendships are only growing stronger.

Since the social distancing rules have been in place, I have been communicating with my friends more than ever. Via text, phone, Skype, Zoom. I have also been on a lot more walks, because where I live, it’s still allowed to meet one other person for a walk. These are not distraction measures to soothe my bored mind.

All of this communication feels much more profound, like we are sincerely looking out for each other, checking in, carrying each other through this crisis. Having meaningful conversations has never been easier because we all start from the same emotional baseline — which sits somewhere between despair, anxiety and timid optimism, depending on the day.

Instead of meeting one or two friends for some afterwork drinks, I now spend my evenings answering messages and going through the contacts of my phone, sending out texts and voice notes to the people who I have not heard from in a few days. Making sure everyone is well and hanging on.

It sometimes feels like work, yes. Zoom-fatigue is real after a few weeks. But you give some, you take some, right? There might be a day when you really don’t feel like talking and that might be the day that somebody else really needs you to listen. Tomorrow it might be the other way around. Emma Jane Unsworth’s friend compared it to a relay, where we pass the Baton of support on from one to the next, and I love that image.

“In these wobbly emotional times, there’s always someone up when someone else is down. Someone can always be Warden of Positivity when the rest of us are descending into Abject Doom. As Jess in the groups says, ‘It’s not a marathon, it’s a relay, and we’ve got to pass the support baton.’”

Now is the time that you realize who your true ride-or-dies are. The ones who text you everyday. The ones who send you funny memes to make your day more cheerful. The ones who organize group calls. The ones who share plant care hacks — because they know you. These are the ones to hold on to after this crisis and never let go. These people are on your apocalypse team.

Now is also the time when the wheat gets sorted from the chaff. It’s quite safe to say that after four weeks, you know who cares about you — and who you care about. These two groups are not always identical and that is okay. It is also okay to feel sad about it and to mourn friendships who have not passed the Corona test.

Just focus on the wheat, focus on the people who are choosing, every day again, to be a part of your life. And the most beautiful thing about all of this? Location doesn’t matter anymore. All friendships are created equal in times of lockdown, because they all live and thrive in the virtual space.

Ultimately, I hope that these weeks and months in isolation will help lift the taboo on loneliness.Everybody has now experienced how devastating it feels to yearn for human connection. Everybody should be able to sympathize. And I hope that one of the things we learn from this is to take better care of the people around us who we know spend a lot of time by themselves. And that it’s ok to reach out when you feel lonely — and say exactly that.

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