Bye, Earth! I’ll come back if you ever get your shit together

I’m Exiting the Human Race

Let me tell you a not-so-secret secret: I’ve never truly felt human. I’m bad at feeling in general, and often find myself relating better to A.I.s or alien observers in science fiction films. So not wanting to be a human anymore is not really that much of a stretch in my case, but this year has really pushed me to the edge.

I’m sick of humans, because they never learn. They repeat the same mistakes over and over, yet most keep themselves in a state of blissful ignorance of all that has come before. They’re slaves to their emotions and ignore facts. Yes, humans have systems of education that have been designed over thousands of years to counteract systemic ignorance. Yet every so often, predictably one might say as a student of history, these systems are weakened or dismantled altogether. Worse yet, the builders of these systems, the experts and educators, the ones that actually aim to push humanity forward, are stigmatized and ignored. And then humanity goes through another dark period that just as well could have been avoided. Again.

Look at me, writing in the third person. I’m practically out of here already!

Shotgun!

This year, a bunch of ignorant and angry people made Brexit happen. Another bunch of ignorant and angry people will vote Trump into office. All over Europe, the scared and angry minorities are pushing the ignorant and apathetic majorities into compliance, and with that compliance will come disaster. Again. Will humanity survive? Most likely. Do I want to be around for the inevitable disaster? No, thanks.

So I’d like my own Brexit — a Humexit? Ok, scratch that, these clever hashtags are never really that clever. Anyway, I’m actively looking for other species that will have me. I’m already pretty well in with felines, on account of being slave to one for years, so maybe they’ll take me. A life of sunbathing and naps? Yes, please!

Alternatively, any openings left on one of the privately-funded Mars missions? I’m a non-smoker in excellent health and no allergies who’s perfectly content spending the rest of my life interacting with only a tiny group of educated and capable human beings. Is it too late to sign up?

Bueller?

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