IFS therapy and attachement theory

  • Do we leave the child alone (to punish or so he “can learn”)?
  • Do we refrain from comforting (so she doesn’t “get spoiled”)?
  • Is dad not allowed to comfort when mom was yelling (because then the child “pins us against each other”)?
  • Or do we comfort a crying — or in other way upset/shamed/shutdown — child, to bring him back to the safe and social sphere; back to the “Yes”?
    In other words to we co-regulate our small children who cannot yet self-regulate?

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