The Day the Brassica Rapas Took Over the World

They were huge, they were startling, they nearly knocked over my house.

Cuddly, tiny, turnips minding their own business.

During the germination period of their life, I, myself, considered them cute. Harmless even. They maintained their humble lifestyle for weeks in the garden through gloomy, sleeting days; even dark, and cold nights when frost threatened their lives. Over the course of one recent harshly warm week, rays of sunshine that would put the deserts of Saudi Arabia to shame visited my turnips, and my Brassicas started changing.

Beyond my knowledge, the turnips had bigger, more destructive plans than just minding their own business and remaining considerate of the lives their fellow plants were living. The week of the Saudi Arabian Sun, the minds of the Brassica Rapas (located in the greens of the plant) grew with the warm weather and sun, becoming bigger, and stronger. They sooner started acting as plows and uprooted my parsnips!

Without time to flee due to their size, my parsnips cursed and fell to their power.

They joined the turnips crying; pleading and kicking fairly slowly since their roots were slow in the ground.

Along the way, the Brassica’s uprooted carrots and Hungarian Yellow Wax pepper plants to join their newly assembled group of bulldozers.

The Brassicas continued in a path of vegetable destruction, breaking through the wooden barriers enclosing them. My raise beds were rooted to pieces by the squad. Wooden pallets turned to wood chips. They continue to the next victims, blowing through my recently flowering Cherokee Purple tomato plants. Feeding their great green brains from their tenacious ways.

The mighty plants continued on down Exchange Street, and turned left on Bloomfield, the army was full of prickles on their green brains now. Growing to the size three foot, shaping like syringe needles, Pedestrians in their path leaped, ducked, and rolled away from the upcoming green monsters. Cars, and shrubbery were punctured, as the Brassicas continued on grabbing telephone poles, flying birds, and tearing down fences.

Before the mighty turnips got to the end of the block, as a leaf’s needle was about to make a plunge into it’s third bird since the crew left my garden, a tremendous pothole swallowed to Brassica Rapas. This pothole was huge by northeast Ohio standards! By now the roots of the Brassica Rapa’s were shaved to the leaves, now shrinking, wilting and falling back to the size they were before the takeover, the size of a hand. As a car tried to drive by, it lost it’s whole tire in the great pothole, closing in the turnips forever.

My turnips didn’t take over the whole neighborhood, although they did try to take the parsnips and carrots. I also wasn’t expecting the greens to grow so big they cast a shadow over their fellow root veggies, and onions. Their greens suffered trying to crawl out of the the great shade to grab any sunlight they could.

After a month and a half of my parsnips lives, they had to be transplanted for the sake of absorbing yummy sunlight the turnips were shading. The leaves of the turnips are still growing to this day, but the carrots and parsnips are safe for the time being. If the leaves do continue to grow, another transplant may be coming soon to my raised beds, or an uproot to the whole city of Akron.

Their was no harming of carrots, parsnips, red onions, tomatoes, arugula, or peppers in the growing of this story. Well, other than the transplanting but everyone is doing great again!

Anne Marie Blankenship is a local gardener and barista living in Akron, Ohio. If you enjoyed this story, please click the below, and check out what’s been happening this season with Locavore Exchange.