Personal lessons in International Banking
When our daughter was born, our OB recommended a parenting class. “Funny,” we thought. We had already signed up for every parenting class the hospital offered. We’d done the hospital visit, a pack of nervous parents to be touring the quiet corridors of closed doors and hushed voices only to find the gleaming suite that looked more like a luxury hotel than a center of modern medicine.
We’d graduated — barely — from the torturous 8-week course on epidurals, birthing videos, various medieval medical procedures. Admittedly, I was the one to turn green and put my head between my knees, tears flowing down my face when I realized there was only one way out of this situation. So imagine our confusion when she suggested another course. We had graduated! We were parents! And even had survived the first 6 weeks — albeit in a similar style to our epidural class — turning green, heads between knees, tears and all.
And that was how we found Bringing Home Baby — a scientific relationship based parenting class built on the marriage research of The Gottman Institute. I loved the relationships. My husband loved the science. We were hooked. The concepts appearing again and again in the 8 years since.
But amazingly, it was not just within the walls of our marriage. I recognized my own Love Bank appearing in every relationship —with family, friends, colleagues… And, like Thrive Global preaches — there were other banks as well. As stress began to wear on me, I thought — what of a Stress Bank?
And, to be honest, they were all running pretty low. More importantly, how do these three banks impact each other? How does a deficit in one (Love Bank) impact another (Stress Bank)? And, as working parents with two young children, do we have a joint portfolio that may be overdrawn?
I had the opportunity to take a sabbatical this summer — trade calendar invites and emails for sleeping in and family time. As a once in a lifetime opportunity, we took a once in a lifetime vacation — living like locals in Paris and Copenhagen.
As I stepped away from the constant pinging of emails and calendar reminders, my stress level began to drop, my sleep bank filled up, my love bank overflowed — and I could see the impact on my family’s portfolio as well. We were fulfilled.
I looked beyond our own individual family bank to better understand how a culture impacts these banks on a macro level. Employees in Denmark are required to take 3 weeks of consecutive vacation in the summer. Our waiter in Paris made a living wage — he was proud and giggled — but it didn’t define him. There were subtleties — lack of ostentatious labels, pride without boasting and — amazingly — kindness.
Every self-help book encourages you to take breaks from technology, spend time with family, meditate to find joy. These are small deposits, but if your overall withdrawal is unequal — or pulling from every bank — it’s time for a change.
What did I do on my summer vacation? Learned about international banking — and will spend the rest of the year staying focused on how to keep these balances full.

