What does depression feels like?

Depression is like a nightmare. Honestly, I have no control of what’s going on. There is no way out and it feels like no one cares. No matter what I do I know that it isn’t good enough. I’ll always be useless, not good enough. You see? you wake up in the morning with a heavy feeling and strong feeling of loneliness. It’s like eating a food with no taste and going out not feeling any wind? It’s like walking in a road of endless sorrowness. It feels like an endless circle of guilt, worthlessness, pain, fear and weakness. It feels like there is no point in trying anymore. It’s an endless circle of failure. You feel empty. It’s like you’re not existing. You’re breathing, but that doesn’t mean you’re alive. It’s when it hurts to smile, it hurts to laugh, hurts to breathe. Hurts to be happy because everytime I get happy something bad is either going to happen. No one understands what you’re feeling. They tell you that you’re just overreacting, they tell you to get over it because it’s not that big of a deal.

I don’t want to wake up anymore. I don’t want to get out of bed and I don’t want to fail anymore. I’m done trying to fake my smile, pretending that I’m happy when I’m not. The things that I used to enjoy no longer comforts me. I’m drowning in an underwater and seeing people breathe except me.

Depression is when you don’t really care about anything. People who think depression is a choice, take a second to think. How would it feel to wake up and not having the emotional strength to face people? to think that time is just passing by with no reason? to feel that you’re alone in a sea of people? to cry yourself to sleep hoping that tomorrow will be another day. You try to hide your feelings hoping no one would notice, and more.

Now tell me, why would someone choose that? Why would someone would choose to suffer? Depression is an illness, it’s a disease not a fucking choice.

I’m being murdered by my mind.
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