The List That Found Me a Boyfriend

“Hey, wanna hang late?”

“Hey how you been”

“You out?”

I stopped checking my phone and slid back under the covers. Is this really the mating song of the modern man? Play and paw? Pump and dump?

The endless reel of Mikes and Joeys with bad hair and bad manners left me in a constant fit of frustration.

I pulled out my notebook that I kept handy under my bed, flipped to a blank page, wrote the word, “Him” and underlined it. I began listing qualities of the man I would truly want to be with until I had around 30. Ambitious. Intelligent. Patient. Etc. Etc.

My hand cramped and my exhaustion gave way. I dropped the book onto the floor and slid it under my bed where it laid forgotten for 2 months.

Shockingly, 2 months later, I realized I was dating a man who matched that list almost exactly.

How did that happen? My guess is because of one reason. I focused.

Whether I was consciously aware of it or not, I understood more of what I wanted. Less skater boy, more man. Less chain smoker, more health conscious. Less picky, more worldly. Quickly, I weeded out the good from the bad.

And all of a sudden, I decidedly was not keeping my options open. This was a beautiful thing because I wasn’t subject to the random order of the cosmos-I was not going to date just anyone moderately attractive who expressed interest. By identifying what was important to me, the signal that I gave off attracted someone who had values and goals that were similar to mine. All I needed to do was be clear.

However, my magic man did not automatically materialize. We actually knew each other over a period of two years before considering each other romantically. Perhaps list making simply focuses our attention on what was always available?

Try it. You have nothing to lose.

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