How to Buy a Down Jacket

photo by Mikael Jansson X Moncler

You’d think Canada would be a good place to buy a down jacket. After all, Canadians live their lives in the snow (says the Australian). They still haven’t figured out what the round, shiny, blinding thing in the sky is—oh wait, that’s the Brits. People walk 20 minutes to school when the temperature is -20 degrees C. Either there’s something in the water, or they’ve figured out how to make some decent coats. Here’s what said Australian learned while searching for a down jacket in the Great North.

Pro tip #1: Do your research first. Because the minute you step into a store, you’ll realise that they all look the same and your usual tactic of ‘I like this one’ won’t work. You’ll try them on to see what the difference is between a Mackage and a Canada Douche—I mean, Goose—and a Fjällräven and a Woolrich and a Moose Knuckle—and then you’ll forget which ones you liked and didn’t like because they’ll all have merged into one giant pile of feather-filled marshmallows.

Pro tip #2: Buy a jacket from Arc’teryx. Especially if you’re someone who would rather have their foot mauled by a bear than be cold. These things are completely windproof, waterproof, and breathable (hello Gore-Tex). The downside? They make you look like you’ve just been knocking back a few drinks with Humphrey Bogart in a film noir, cigar still dangling out of your mouth. Oh but that’s the look you were going for, you say.

Pro tip #3: Buy a jacket from Nobis. They’re waterproof. Again: waterproof. Most sales assistants will tell you you don’t need that, but when #Blizzard2016 comes, you will thank them politely but firmly and say yes you do. Especially when even the hoods are filled with down, and there are plenty of pockets lines with toasty felt to keep your hands warm, and the whole thing feels like a giant sleeping bag—it’s the next best thing after a down onesie. At this rate, you could probably wander off on a fun trip to the North Pole. Don’t say hi to the penguins. If you’re seeing penguins, you’ve definitely gone in the wrong direction.

Pro tip #4: Bring some lunch. There are a lot of coats, and a lot of people, and taking what is essentially a sleeping bag on and off again is tiring. Bring some water too. Or a flask.

Pro tip #5: Fine, buy a Canada Goose. $800 isn’t even a lot to spend on a jacket. It’s just a few lunches. Bring your lunch from home a few days a week, et voila! You might even claim your place on sites likes these.

You’re also welcome to hibernate if any of these suggestion don’t work for you.

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