ACTUALLY: Indiana Jones Could Just Be a Woman

ACTUALLY will be an ongoing series where I help confused men understand the world, because it’s like, kind of complicated.

Steven Spielberg told reporters earlier this week that he is open to creating a female version of Indiana Jones, saying “We’d have to change the name from Jones to Joan. And there would be nothing wrong with that.”

UM, ACTUALLY Mr. Spielberg, no disrespect, you’re a great director and a great man. I still consider Jurassic Park to be the greatest film of my generation. Unfortunately, you’re wrong here. Little known fact: the character’s name is actually Indiana Jones, or (spoiler alert I guess if you’re a baby who doesn’t know what movies are yet) Junior “Indiana” Jones. So you wouldn’t have to change anything about the Jones part.

Indiana is actually a feminine name already. So really you’d just be realizing the character’s full potential. So, actually, yeah.