It’s Been A Week

Ideas for things to do to repair a semi-crushed soul.

Do you read the news? Has it crushed the small amount of happiness you were able to feel after you saw Wonder Woman? Yeah. Well, here’s a small list of inexpensive, simple pleasures to reconnect you to the universe’s beauty and truth and all that good hippie shit.

The New Beck Album, It is Called “Colors” And It’s Very Nice

“Smooth” “Uplifting” and “Poppy” are all words I would use to describe this very nice album Beck has given us. When you listen to it, try dancing only with your arms. No other body parts. All arms.

A Welch’s Grape Soda, For a Treat

“Smooth” “Uplifting” and “Poppy” are also words I would use to describe this drink you probably haven’t had since high school. Yes, it’s sugar. But it also does have some grapes in it. Or at least it honors the idea of grapes. Either way, these theoretical grapes are grown by local (to someone) farmers! And of course it’s not *good* for you but it’s important to remember we’re all dying all the time and all you can do is appreciate that you got to exist during the millisecond of human history in which there was grape soda.

Adult Coloring Books But Not Like Porn Adult Just Grown Up

Maybe a couple years ago when you first heard of this trend you scoffed like I did. Then, the whole world fell apart and suddenly turning off your phone and sitting in the middle of the floor coloring an elephant with a gel pen sounds like just the kind of simple, controllable expression of self you need.

Yoga In the Dark Privacy of Your Home

Not to undermine your local yoga studio or anything, but you can do yoga in your home for free at any time day or night. Wearing all clothes or no clothes or some clothes. My favorite online teacher is Adriene because she’s exceedingly chill and pretty in a way that makes me want to be her but not destroy her. Light a candle before you start if you wanna get even closer to becoming a person who buys crystals. Those people do seem happy.

Video Games Are Still A Thing

Sometimes yoga fails and you just need to kill things with a big sword, and Shadow of War is good for this. You get to run around and just kill orcs as needed. There’s a story but like you don’t necessarily have to do it. I prefer to just plug in, kill some orcs for like 45 minutes, and plug out. Shadow of Mordor is the older version of this game and is way cheaper.

People have also been really into this Paperclip Game but it looks involved enough that it could potentially destroy my life. The good thing about killing orcs is I eventually get tired of it so I can stop and function as a human being.

Watch Toast of London on Netflix, Please

This is a very surreal, silly British comedy full of fun performances. I also need more people to watch every episode 2 or 3 times so when I quote it in public I don’t seem as insane. K thanks!

Not Just Pumpkins but Funky Pumpkins

Also known as gourds, Funky Pumpkins are all the rage this fall. Go to the store and buy a weird ass lookin pumpkin or two. Make a centerpiece of Funky Pumpkins. Embrace your inner Funky Pumpkin. A few Funky Pumpkins and all of a sudden you’re a person who wears hats for fashion and not necessity. Turns out you were the Funky Pumpkin all along.

Benadryl and All The Blankets

Take a dose of Benadryl and put all the blankets you have on you. Maybe some pillows on or around yourself too so it’s like a nest. Just trust me.*
*but like, if it’s too hot, don’t. You do you.

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