Step Into My Office
“Step into my office.”
You said, as you motioned toward your bedroom you shared with Steve. Your words cut through my heart like the sharpest blade of steel.
My gut told me something was wrong. You had not called me for two days. When I finally broke and called you, you were short with me and told me Steve made you spaghetti so you had to go. Now, here we were a day later at your apartment. We had an audience, our mutual friends chatting, listening to music, having drinks like any other day in the life of a Walt Disney intern when off work and not frolicking in the “Parks”.
We spent everyday of the last three weeks together, you and me, all while living out our dream as interns for The Walt Disney World College Program. One day together felt like one month and I wanted the feeling to last forever.
I walked into your bedroom, the light from the bathroom on bright enough for me to see a spotlight on your beautiful face, those sexy cheek bones and lips I wanted to suck on. This is the room we consummated our relationship, laughed and slept holding each other. Now you stand two feet in front of me while I sit in the middle of your bed. The heaviness of the air pulling me down like an anchor.
I felt a brick fall on my head as you said, “I think we should break apart for a while and then start hanging out again as friends”
I was in shock. What went wrong?
I will never forget our first date to the movies to see Rome and Juliet. You asked the guy at the concession stand, “Do you sell condoms”
“What?”
“Condoms?”
“No”
You immediately looked at me and said, “Sorry we’ll have to watch the movie this time.”
I can’t think of another moment in my life where I was equally embarrassed and smitten. I slapped your arm and laughed. You charmed me. It’s cliche but true. You made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
The days with you were magical , blissful, and too good to be true. Now here we were in your bedroom. You in-sighted. my darkest fear within.
As I sat there in shock, you asked, “Are you ok?”
All I could say in return was, “Shut up Sebastian”
I got up and walked out of the bedroom wishing it was the front door.
I could not bear to hear another word. I walked through the maze of people trying to figure out which way to turn, careful not to make eye contact for fear I would immediately break down.
Bobbie grabbed my arm and asked, “Are you leaving?
“Yes” It took everything I had in me to respond and not crumble.
He held my arm and said, “No stay!”
I demanded, “I have to go” and he released his hold.
I walked back to my apartment only 500 yards or so away as the tears flowed and the nausea set in. I listened to Toni Braxton’s, “Unbreak my Heart” on repeat while I tried to make sense of a time that made no sense. Each day, the memories I replayed in my mind made my pain stronger as became my love for you. I fell so hard and so fast. Now, I was shattered.
The intensity of my love for you was shocking. It was the kind of love that fogs your brain. Had we stayed together I would have done anything, dropped out of school and moved to Oklahoma to be with you but we didn’t. You didn’t feel the same You later explained, you had to break up with me because you did not love me like I loved you.
Because of you, I learned how intense love can feel. I learned to measure my feelings in a future relationship by this one and it eventually made all the difference.
