How to Minimize Your Fears (In a Good Way) — Dealing With Things You Can’t Control
I’m going to give you some shocking news.
You’re really not prepared for this.
Seriously, you need to sit down.
Ok, you comfy? Here it goes.
These last few years… have been kind of stressful.
Ok, before you call CNN about this breaking news, let me finish.
The times we live in can be seen as uncertain. Between finally escaping a pandemic (mostly), the war in Ukraine, the divide over identity, political and social issues (no, I’m not going down that rabbit hole, head over to the Chernobyl wannabe that is Twitter for that), inflation, gas prices, etc., it’s easy to feel like the floor is about to fall out from under you. And none of that even accounts for the problems in your personal life.
I’m just going to be blunt; the majority of us can’t control the things listed above. I understand if that makes you worry more — I have the same problem— but desperately wishing you could hunt down Putin Liam Neeson style or pull a Samara on the Twitter whiners so you can smack them over the head won’t fix anything (though if you know of a way to do either of those things, please contact me).
What you can control is how much you worry about it.
I know prioritizing your problems is a responsible thing to do, but you prioritize them so you can solve them. If you yourself can’t solve crises in another country or lower the price of a head of lettuce, what’s the point of dwelling on it?
This is the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn these past couple of years; allowing yourself to stop worrying or forget about things you can’t control doesn’t mean you’re irresponsible. It means you’re making your mental health a priority so that you can take on these or other issues when the time comes.
Obviously, this is easier said than done. There are going to be little reminders everywhere of those fears. That little needle in your car inching slowly towards the E, trending searches on COVID statistics or breaking news from Russia popping up when you try to Google something, your kids sneaking extra snacks from your already depleting cupboards, me listing these things when I’m supposed to be making you feel better… OK, I’ll stop.
While you can’t get rid of every reminder, there are steps you can take to reduce the amount you come across or reduce the amount of stress they cause you.
Are articles about Russia vs. Ukraine giving you panic attacks? Force yourself to quit reading them. There’s even an option to turn off trending searches on Google so you won’t be tempted to click them. If for some reason you’re unable to ignore said articles, always make sure you read to the end (there are so many clickbait articles) and fact-check your sources. Never forget, media sites want to get eyes on their stories, so many times they put in scary headlines to get you to pay attention.
Are prices rising again? Work harder at saving your money. Look for places you can cut back on spending. Maybe put off buying that new video game or that cute purse. Sell some good quality stuff you never use (you know what I’m talking about). See if you can pick up a couple of extra hours at work.
Tired of the endless fights over political and social issues? Get rid of your Twitter account and app (or at least turn notifications off). Trust me, you’re WAY better off without it. The further you scroll the angrier you’ll get. Don’t let yourself fall into the endless fight.
The term “ignorance is bliss” is likely to be seen as stupidity nowadays, but when the other option is risking your mental health’s decline, the former can easily be forgiven.
Ok, so you’ve decided to quit worrying and are taking steps to reduce your time doing so, but what happens when the old habits begin to gnaw at you? When you think “it wouldn’t hurt to check the news just one more time, right?” or “I’ve been saving well the past few weeks, I can make the money back for that PS5 later.” As a person with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and on the Autism spectrum, I can safely say I’m the queen of these intrusive and repetitive thoughts, even when I know the consequences of giving in. One tap of an app, one unnecessary swipe of a credit card, just one little peek at the news can be enough to send me down a spiraling vortex of anxiety. So what can you do to convince yourself not to relapse into old habits? Well, here’s one of my personal tools.
Remember when your kid went through the “why?” phase as a toddler? When you had to break things down for them to the point where you began to run out of ways to explain why they can’t slam their head against the wall just for fun? It may sound stupid, but I’ve sometimes found that forcing yourself to break down your worries bit by bit by simply asking “why?” can make them seem less scary or even help you get to the root of why they bug you in the first place. Making sure you include “I feel…” or “I need…” when you answer yourself will help you focus less on what you’re worried about and more on why you’re worried about it.
As an example, I’ll use one of my more recent mental dilemmas:
I have to keep looking at articles about the war in Ukraine.
Why?
Because I need to be informed of everything that’s going on.
Why?
Because… I feel that way I’ll be better prepared for worst-case scenarios.
Why?
Because… the more you know the more you can do?
Why?
Because… I… I don’t know…
Getting to the root of an issue or finding out the root wasn’t worth it is one of the most therapeutic things you can do for yourself. The immense wave of relief and understanding that washes over you is something we’re all needing these days. These are the kinds of problems that should be prioritized; the ones you have the power to change.
When the world is facing so many issues it can seem selfish to focus on your own problems. We all want to have the power to make groceries more affordable or create peace between the nations, but the cold, hard fact is that very few of us have that power. Sometimes all we can do to help is just wait patiently. Until then, just because someone else has problems doesn’t mean yours don’t matter. The better your mental health is today, the more you can help others tomorrow.
