Why are we scared to do what we really want to do?
Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve read so many books about this subject, and although they provide insight, it still doesn’t. make. sense.
The fire came, then the storm.
I opened up my laptop a couple weeks ago, eyes still achy with sleep, the fresh morning sunshine flooding into my one and only room in my studio apartment I looked over the campaign and pushed the “publish” button on Kickstarter.
Immediately fear overwhelmed me. I looked over my picture book campaign, hoping for no errors and felt a rush of adrenalin to my intestines. Nope, can’t look at this any longer, I thought, and shut the machine so I could get ready for work. Since then I haven’t slept well, digested my food correctly, and I’ve gained almost 10 lbs. This fucking book has been my calling and my dream. It has been my favorite thing I’ve ever created. So why am I so scared?
I read a post on medium the other day that helped a lot. Essentially it said, “you get as much of a high thinking about doing the thing you want to do, as actually doing it.” I’ve been high for the past 3 years and felt pretty good, I must say. Soon, I publish it. Soon, I have a meeting with a small house. soon, I’ll launch a campaign. Once I hit that button the reality set in: I have no idea how to publish a book. I have no idea what I’m doing. This book isn’t ready! I’m not ready!
No one ever did something for the first time knowing how to do it. Some people are naturals, but there are always questions, stumbles, mishaps, and lost dollars. The key is do it anyway.
Fear = winter
Fear, I think, is a natural alert, telling you Spring is on the way. But before Spring comes winter (unless you were in California this last year, ha!). Fear is Winter. Winter is cold, bleak, and bare. You have to protect yourself from the harsh elements in winter, and take precautions. Eventually the earth starts to warm, slowly and lovingly, and seedlings sprout. Welcome, spring.
Don’t even get me started on Summer and Fall.
There’s another medium post about “doing the hard things”. It isn’t exactly uplifting, but it is enlightening. I wish this part of the process was more fun. I wish I wasn’t scared. I wish I could wake up in the morning feeling rested and ready for a workout. I wish I could feel regular again…
But this book means more to me than that, and I have faith this whole process will get easier.
So, I encourage all of you to do the same. I’m a big old mess right now, and if I can do it, you sure can. I think we all doubt our abilities and our ideas. Do it for you. Do it because you want it in your life. And when you do, let the world know- let me know!
The support was overwhelming- I reached my first goal, and still working toward my second. For a look into what I’m doing, you can see the campaign here. Go forth and make incredible things!