Annjill Galgo
Sep 3, 2018 · 3 min read

I have only slept for about 2 hours in the past 33.5 hours. Right now, I feel light-headed but sadly, not sleepy which may be because I had that 2-hr powernap 6 hours ago. What better way to put myself into a better disposition than to do my online journallings, right?

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I have been pondering. No, actually, more like I’ve been feeling quite anxious again because I felt like I’m being left behind. In the sense that my colleagues are going to faraway places, being able to #adult while me, I feel like I’m just -here- testing the waters.

I felt like I’m pacing very, very slowly. And I’m scared that one day, we will all get together and we’d be sharing what’s happening in our lives and all I can say is that I’m doing part time online freelancing, and staying home most of the time. How would that sound next to other’s adventurous stories of city-hopping? Embarrassing, right?

I know I shouldn’t worry about that day. And that I should not even care about what others think of me. But maybe, it’s a reality check to myself. Yes, I’m doing fine, but am I, really? Is giving myself all this freedom to go after my dreams really the way for me to make them happen? Is there a better way?

Recently, I came across several readings that speak the same message: Success is not about reaching success. It is about the person you become while working to achieve it. I think the way I worded it doesn’t sound that gound-breaking (forgive my light-headed, trying hard to write self) but in all the years that I’ve been reading about motivation and self-improvement, this sparked something in my lazy self.

Maybe the reason why God didn’t put me or didn’t place the heart in me to be in situations where everything is handed to me in a silver platter is because He knows how lazy I could get.

See, I think it’s easy to go the road more taken by my colleagues or co-millennials: staying in a working environment that you don’t like. I could do that or get into that kind of place. Easily, my #adulting worries could be solved! But, (disclaimer: my views may or may change soon, okay? But for now, let’s see what I got to say hehe) I know myself. I know who I am and what I want out of life.

Now, suffice to say, I don’t really like where I am. I am nowhere near having my /sweet/ together. But I know being where I am now is part of MY process.

With all the free time I have, I get to see blind sides of myself through the people nearest to me: my family. I could say I am stripped down.

I have been given too much time to process what I really, really want, know about myself and what I want to do, know about my crippling tendencies and how to deal with them, fall in love with writing again, get deeper with my relationship with God, plan for future pursuits, and prepare for my next steps.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself but by the grace of God, things can only get better from here, and life can take a 180-degree turn for the kind of person I am. I am stripped down to rags now, but I will even be stripped further, to my lowest state, perhaps, as I would have to be uncomfortable, now.

Again, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. But, Lord, if it’s Your will for me to go through this kind of life-process, then let me learn #perfectsurrender.

Written: Sept. 2, 2018

Annjill Galgo

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I write my thoughts before they contradict each other.