Silence is sound. I’m here wide awake, listening to the world waking. As dawn approaches, I’m reminded of my disorientation. And little fragments of sanity, that I hold on to in times of displacement, seem to slip rapidly from my grasp as I replay moments over and over again from the past year, past months, past hours, past moments… causing words to escape me while I struggle to hold on to a single grain.

Luck favors the prepared, but I seem to always come up short of that preparation, leaving me feeling unlucky. People treat you how you allow them to treat you, yet how do you make a person do what is outside of their nature. Hm. You don’t. These random thoughts plague me as I sit here trying to apply this logic to the scenes I keep replaying. And with each encore, I’m reminded that my shit ain’t together.

As my heart rate speeds, I realize that I just may be a little unhinged. That this life is always supposed to be this hard. And those are the thoughts that make me wonder if I’m losing hope, faith, trust… my mind.

The light is dimming just a bit, but it still simmers. It simmers enough to meet the sunrise and the thought that today may be the day I get shit fixed. That today will be the day I make a real connection again, that today will be the day I’m just a little less of a mess. That today I’ll get it right. And maybe later when the sun says goodnight, I’ll be able to find sleep again.

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