Hi Joe! I am so glad you made a detour from your run to reply! What a great bunch of stuff to ponder! So first — let me give you a few of the scenarios that happened over the last few weeks that got me thinking about this curiosity.
#1 — talking with a dude after yoga about our yoga practice/studio/teacher.
#2 — Parked my bike & walked up to a local place where I’m a regular & a guy sitting at table outside starts chatting me up about my bike. (Motorcycle kind of bike — to be clear)
#3 — Meeting new people at work- basically getting introduced and making small talk. Because I’ve started a new job.
#4 — Sitting at an airport bar waiting on my flight — complete strangers just talking with flights to catch in under an hour -maybe 2 tops. Who has time for even a quickie??
#5 — Sitting at the bar at my local place and chatting with others who are sitting around me. The Bartender knows me — the other people not so much. This is the only scenario I find remotely on par to a ‘dating’ kind of thing where you would want the other person to be aware that you are ‘not looking’. Right??
I don’t date. I never go out with anyone who isn’t a friend. So no — not asking anyone ‘out’. EVER. My favorite concert buddy is a pal from my old job who is a married man. He’s married to another guy. We have the best time and he is the very definition of unavailable.
And for me as far as noting whether a guy has a wedding band or not — I’m a nurse, I can also tell you if he has a trach scar, what his respiratory rate is, if he has JVD (juglar vein distention) and a myriad of other things I’ve been subconsciously trained to notice because nurses ‘assess’. It’s muscle memory. If your eyes protrude — I know you have Graves’ disease, if they’re jaundiced you have a liver disorder. If your nails are misshapen and your lips are bluish — you have a pulmonary disorder. A barrel chest and you have COPD. I’m not psychic, I’m just an old nurse. :) With skills.
I did run into one man who fit that group of the wedding band is off for a reason. I was out dancing and he was good dancer. We were both with a large group a friends. I had a lovely evening and sent him on home to his wife. I felt like the warm up band. She should send me a thank you note. Because there was a stop light — for sure.
I am friendly. And open. And honest. And I will give you that most humans — men or women are not comfortable with that. I happen to have a huge fan club in the under 10 age group though. :) Because kids appreciate Real Ann. Grown ups can be on the fence about that.
Thank you for your insights. It’s not going to change the way I interact with people — but it does help explain some of the dudes I’ve run across.
I will continue to smile and nod when they bring up the “Mrs.” — bless her. I wouldn’t be a ‘Mrs.’ again for all the tea in China.