The Verandah, Dad and me
Dad and I have spent endless hours lounging on the verandah chairs facing a green lawn and a coconut tree when I get home each holiday. We discussed most every aspect of our lives, management theories, the pride he took in each of us his children, antics of the grandchildren and of course life lessons passed on through funny stories.
He was the one person young and old would seek out when something was confusing or seeming impossible. He enjoyed these visits, loved talking to everyone and somehow everyone got something out of this visit too. He just had a way of structuring a problem and finding solutions. I’ll share a few of his advices that I have followed or seen work wonders. Seemingly simple yet powerful.
“Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend”
From Polonius’ advice to his son in Hamlet. This and much of the other advices that Shakespeare penned were stuff Dad believed in and we often had family discussions around it. Corollary to this was never do business with family, value relationship over the opportunity.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
When he started his career as the manager of the factory he was a brilliant manager but quite blunt with what he had to say. The workers loved him but the ministers didn’t care for it. His boss sent him a gift of “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. He took it earnestly and imbibed the concepts and steadily changed his style. His ability to take in feedback and his boss’s ability to give him something practically usable was significant. And what a change it made. A lasting lesson for all of us to have that growth mindset.
Don’t do things in half measures if its super important to you.
This was an important lesson he taught me when I was discussing how inconvenient it was to go meet the person so I’ll discuss it over a call. He asked me how important is the outcome for you? I said super important. Well then why would you do a half measure? I didn’t need to answer that but I got the lesson. Years later another mentor inspired me with “whatever it takes to do it right”. Yes, that’s probably what creates the difference between the good and the great as well.
When you choose a job consider your life as a whole and what the job offers as a whole too.
Here he was talking about thinking beyond the salary to work life balance, commute time, benefits and even your spouse’s career, children’s school etc. The point was to allocate credit to all aspects of life and have a well rounded life. You may not become a CEO by thinking this way but then if the goal is a good life with children doing well and family around you, enjoying the simple pleasures of life then all is well.
If its an open house keep your mouth shut. Leaders may say they want honest feedback but very few can actually take it.
His favorite anecdote on this was the smart mouth who criticizes the boss in an open house and is not there at the next open house :) Funny yet true, never give what the other person isn’t ready to receive. He lived it by never giving advice unless asked. Now as I ask for feedback I prepare myself for all kinds and absorb the right ones.
Take good care of the people you are negotiating with
Every year around the time of union negotiations Daddy would plan the timing of topics and flow of conversation just right. Point was to have the toughest topics right after a very good lunch when both parties are inclined towards a happier state of mind. We often think the other party is an adversary but he believed in win-win way before that term became a popular jargon. I don’t recall a major strike in the factory during his tenure.
Know the people you need to watch or stay away from.
There are people who wish you well but there are also people who may be waiting for a chance to spoil an opportunity for you. This is real and so be aware and learn to judge people (not being judgmental). I was used to looking at life through rose tinted glasses and learned this lesson when it actually happened to me, even though he foretold it. Alas experience is a great teacher.
One in the hand is better than two in the bush
He had strong views on not leaving a job before you got another offer in hand. Its reasonable that its harder to land another job when you are out of job but in the 21st century this can be relaxed a bit with all the entrepreneurial energy that needs a chance to breathe.
Know when to help and when to only advise
Even with his own children he used to maintain a good balance of “this is how I would think about it, now you decide and act” vs “Let me help you now”. This is hard I realized as my kids grew up and the urge to jump in and help is strong. He was also pretty good at taking advice as I grew up and started sharing new perspectives.
Invest in your growth and lifestyle
Invest in yourself, in whatever helps create the balance between work and play. Take the club membership, do the golf training, whatever. Another nugget was carry yourself as if you were one level up and spend as if you were one level down. Not as easy as it sounds.
Balance in life
This is something he was extremely good at. 9–5 was work and 5- 8pm was family and fun. This routine never changed all his life whether he was GM in a small factory or big he kept this balance which gave him a wholesome life, reading a lot, playing tennis or cards, loads of family time, happy hours and travel.
T.G.Paul. A life well lived, a person truly loved.
