Imaginary Boyfriends, Black Girl Magic + The Weirdest Thing About Being The Boss


HAVE YOU JOINED YET?
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Do You Want To Be On Top?
Here’s the weird truth: Of the hundreds of women who have been at my table for one of my Badass Babes dinners, only a few have said they want to be in the C-suite — one of the top jobs at a major corporation — and even fewer have said they want to go all the way to CEO. Are you surprised? I’m not.
As much as we all want to control our own destinies and make our mark in a big way, running a big company seems like a short cut to total isolation and cut-throat competition. And the women who’ve been close enough to the top to see the reality of life in the corner office told The New York Times, yeah, that’s true and it sucks.
But here’s the piece of the story that is worrisome for all Badass Babes at any level: “Women are often seen as dependable, less often as visionary. Women tend to be less comfortable with self-promotion — and more likely to be criticized when they do grab the spotlight. Men remain threatened by assertive women.”
These dusty ideas are not just a barrier to the top job, they’re a barrier for all of us. Even worse, think about the exhausting tap dance you have to do navigate these impossible expectations.
I’ve been asked to appear on Cheddar next week to talk about some of the challenges young women face in business…but rather than focus on the negative news — and there’s a lot of it — I have hope that you, the next generation of business leaders, and CEOs like Rent The Runway’s Jenn Hyman and LearnVest’s Alexa von Tobel will change the dynamics for how women are perceived and how far they can reach. You are my role models…who are yours?
XOXO
— A.
PS: I Have Some BIG News!
This fall I will be speaking TEDxSt.LouisWomen about Why We Should All Be More Millennial. It’s really a dream come true for me and I’m excited to share the power lessons I’ve learned from you with the rest of the world! Thank you for your sisterhood and support. YOU made this happen.
IN OTHER BADASS BABES NEWS…
Black Girl Magic
You know I love Issa Rae (and she’s spreading The Big Life love, too). And if you’ve seen the first episode of the second season of Insecure, we must discuss (Join The Big Life Insiders for this convo). But she’s part of a much bigger powerhouse moment for TV and movies that put black women’s stories at the front and center. Girls Trip had the biggest box office opening weekend for any live-action comedy of 2017. Jessica Williams’ new movie The Incredible Jessica James, a Netflix rom-com about a struggling writer coping with a breakup, debuts this Friday; the New York Times is already calling it “humorous and poignant.”
Here’s what one Badass Babe has to say about why this moment matters:
When I was younger, it seemed like there were only a few options for black characters on TV show. Option 1: The Black Best Friend/Sidekick, who is there simply to add color to the friend group of the white main character. Option 2: Have a “Black show”, however; there is always a negative stigma that comes with having a “black show”.
Issa Rae crafts a story filled with flawed characters that are deftly fleshed out, but the showrunners don’t ignore or overemphasize race, like many TV shows often do. Race is definitely a part in the show, but instead of focusing on didactic teaching moments, they instead try to explore race through the characters’ day to day interactions. To me, that is the genius of Insecure.
The success of shows like Insecure and Girl’s Trip prove that viewers of all races want something different. Diversity isn’t just a random buzzword or a quota but diversity is profitable. Black women want to see people who look like them on screen, and they want to see their stories told.
Read her whole essay here.
Is Your Perfect Boyfriend Imaginary?
When you’re sitting on your couch, endlessly swiping through your apps, what do you think is standing in your way of finding an amazing, perfect partner? It’s magical thinking, says Vogue.com columnist Karley Sciortino: “A lot of people… see themselves as always on the brink of ‘making it.’ Like, ‘Well, my career is just about to take off, after which I’ll be rich and famous, and then I’ll have access to better, hotter people.’” She calls this the “magical pool of super-boyfriends” and says that this idea that someone better is right around the corner is making her too picky and so the pool of potential soul mates keeps getting smaller. She says it’s a bad thing…but I think that’s a GREAT thing. You don’t want to shop in the giant discount store that’s full to the brim with everything that could be right for anyone. You want to be in the customized, carefully curated boutique where everything there is perfect for you and you deserve it all. Be picky. This is your life we’re talking about! The person you choose to make all your major life decisions with had better be on your team 100 percent. Not every partner is capable of being that person for you — and certainly not the person you pair up with because all your friends are getting married and you feel pressure to lock something down ASAP.
As you get smarter, stronger, and sharper, you’ll know yourself better. You’ll attract partners who know themselves better, too. It’s not magical thinking — it’s maturing.
Sisterhood Shoutout
Sending love to powerhouse Gabi Gregg (who is profiled in The Big Life!) for the launch of her new fashion line that Bustle says “broke the internet”. YESSSSS!