The F-ed Up Thing That Happened When I Asked For a Raise

I Wrote This Book For YOU!

I’ve been overwhelmed by your messages about The Big Life — thank you! Get your copy now, post your pics and message me @annshoket to let me know what resonates most with you! (Thanks @melissanovacaska.)

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Money, Honey

When I was a junior editor, I lived in a 350 sq foot walk-up apartment in the East Village with one sink. I brushed my teeth next to the stove for TEN years because it was all I could afford! I remember asking for raise and my boss told me, “You know, you don’t go into magazine journalism to get rich.” RICH?!? I just wanted to be able to afford an apartment with two sinks! I wish I could say that I had the perfect response back then. I didn’t. I was shamed into thinking it was my fault for not picking a more lucrative industry. I thought that was all I was worth.

I was reminded of that moment when I was interviewed for this story. I’ve been thinking a lot about the way the Badass Babes I know talk about making money. So many women tell me that they want to get paid “what they’re worth” but so few say they want to be well-paid. They say they want a career that’s meaningful — which is important. But money is important too. As I told the reporter: “Money is freedom, money is control and money is power.” Find your meaning, and make your money. You are worth it.

We’re talking about money vs. meaning here. There’s so much more to say. Let me know your thoughts!

BTW: So many new Badass Babes on this list! Thank you for being a part of the sisterhood. If you haven’t picked up your copy of the book, you can do that here. And we need to keep growing. Invite your friends to join us too!

PS: Want to join one of my Badass Babes Dinners? There are just a few spots open at this one in NYC with The Lady Project. Reserve your spot now.

Or host your own — I’ll Skype in! Details here.

IN OTHER BADASS BABES NEWS…

FORGET ABOUT THE DREAM JOB
I’m serious! The first thing you need to do after graduation (OK, after a celebratory glass of champagne) is to get a job, any job. That first job will show you how work works. 90 percent of success is learning all the secret handshakes of how meetings get conducted, how ideas get heard, how bosses get buttered up. And you can learn that at any job, it doesn’t have to be your dream job. In fact, it shouldn’t be. The more you fixate on one particular job, the more you block yourself from other opportunities that could help you go faster or further in your career.

Eventually, you’ll find what you’re good at, and you take that with you everywhere you go. I’m good at telling stories about the things that matter to young women. I used to do it for Seventeen. I’m doing it here now. Wherever I go, I’m still me. You don’t need the dream job…you need the dream YOU.

Don’t believe me? Take it from this woman, who wrote about how landing her “dream job” actually “ruined” her life.

BADASS BABES HOUSEWIVES?
The Big Life is about building a life on your own terms — whatever that means to you. Now some women are saying their Big Life is about opting out of work to stay home and raise children. The New York Post reports it as a throwback — young women cooking and cleaning to keep their husbands happy. But one Badass Babe, who says she plans to stop working when she has kids, describes the pull to stay home differently:

“It feels pretty taboo as a liberal, 23-year-old NYU alum to reveal that I want to stay home. I’ve definitely felt judged before,” she explains. “I think my desire to stay home stems from being raised by two extremely career-oriented parents. Of course, they lovingly did the best they could, but I have many memories of being the last child at pickup, the only one with store-bought birthday treats, and many tearful evenings coming home late from before-school, school, and after-school care…The bottom line for me is that in 2017, women should be able to design a life however they damn please!”

This feels like it’s the beginning of a much bigger conversation. Let me know your thoughts here!

CAN WE STOP BULLYING WOMEN NOW?
Monica Lewinsky was the center of a high-profile, high-octane, high-hysteria scandal that she says peeled away her humanity.She writes: “I ceased being a three-dimensional person,” she wrote.”Instead I became a whore, a bimbo, a slut and worse.” The media’s treatment of Monica was vicious — and she says it started with Fox News under Roger Ailes. This week, Monica wrote an obituary in the New York Times this week following the death of Roger Ailes. The obit wasn’t for the media exec, but rather for the culture he created at Fox that transformed her life into a nightmare in 1998. She calls for an end to the kind of relentless bullying she endured and increased empathy for the human beings in our in storytelling. This is particularly true of the way we talk about complicated women. And when we paint women as sluts or bitches, it makes it okay for others to use those slurs against us. And it’s not, right?

Until next week!

XOXO
A.

BTW: This newsletter started from a series of conversations at my dinner table (dinner may be overselling…it was fancy frozen pizza and many bottles of rosé). Each dinner was a group of about 6 or so, friends of a friend of a friend, who came together to trade notes, offer support and share insider secrets. I called them the Badass Babes because they were the kind of girls anyone would want to be — confident, rule breaking, game changing. The conversations were so revelatory that I wanted to broaden the sisterhood and connect with young women everywhere. And so here we are. So glad you could join us!