I’m just not ready yet but I want to be.
i love you. i adore you.
those six words. those two periods. these, they’re written without reservation but ask me to speak them out loud, i cannot. the permanency that is given those words if spoken — how frightening. the rejection i might encounter; that painful squeeze of the heart. too much.
you’re not the only insecure person. i don’t want you to know i’m just like that. but you do, don’t you?
you say my insecurities are something i have to deal with on my own. but these insecurities are unique to us. these doubts i have about the “hers” in your past, the “hers” in your present, and the “hers” who may be in your future — they’re ours to handle. because i care. just like the doubts you have about the “his” in my past, present, and future. because you care.
being together means working and growing together. it means not being in this world alone. it means we accept challenges and get through them as one.
this is a challenge that challenges the very idea of “us.”
i’m willing. are you?
this was written nearly five months ago but saved under drafts. today seemed like a good day to post seeing as how i’d finally mustered up the gumption to say i love you last night. it was some kind of wonderful… that pitter-patter inside.