Leading a leader

I already knew Mark and had worked with him in the past when the decision was made that this guy was comming to work with my team. I respected him as a developer and liked him as a person, he is a funny guy after all! I couldn’t be more happy anticipating his comming to work with us!

On the other hand though, I felt there was some skepticism around me at work about this decision and I wasn’t quite sure why that was… One day a fellow colleague shared with me a straightforward view of his concerns about this collaboration. He thought that having to be the leader of such an experienced developer would make the balance of the team shake. Like what would I do if he had a strong opinion on something that I needed to drive to a different direction? He could easily “outsmart” me. How would I handle that? Would I convince him? Would that hurt his ego? Would the team fall apart having to choose sides? I was such a novice that I hadn’t even think about these things. Though I understood all that, I quite frankly caught myself seriously questioning my colleague’s good intentions that day. Eitherway, I always felt strongly repelled by workplace politics so I tried to completely ignore these thoughts. None of these would happen!

Unfortunately my colleague was right! That day came. Though I strongly believe both me and Mark had good intentions for each other and the team, we had some communication and trust issues at first and also various disagreements on how things should work. Both of us had strong opinions and sometimes that lead to tension. We even had junior team members watching us speechless (and bored!) as we sometimes continued arguing for long in meetings over small things. It was tough and weird. Not only were we driving the team nuts (because they obviously respected both of us and our opinions on the specific problems), but we were also tiring ourselves and hurting each others’ egos. I never took myself as the leader too seriously in terms of job title but I believed that it is an important role that should bring alignment to the team and that was not our case at that moment. I knew I had to do something as “the leader”!

I knew Mark is a nice guy who really cares for his job and his team mates. I started talking to him on a one-on-one with brutal honesty about my thoughts and feelings. I opened up to him, explaining my fear of not doing a good job effectively leading the team or others feeling that I would not manage to lead the team due to my little experience. Another fear was that everyone might be thinking that having him in my team was like admitting my technical incompetence and I wanted to prove this wrong. I feel he understood my point of view completely. He too opened up to me about his fear of being criticised as the experienced guy who does not have the courage to step up and help more actively on the product and team development and wanting to prove this was not true.

We tried to find a balance based on these feelings as the time went by. I realized that instead of intimidating me, he could really help me as I was being overwhelmed by my “leader” role and trying to advance my technical skills at the same time. I could do the team management and planning, he could help with the team’s technical advancement, training and hiring. I would have the last word in product and prioritizing decisions, he would have the last word in technical so that we do not confuse the team with our sometimes different views. The “deal” was gradually sealed and actually worked pretty smooth over the time. Change did not come overnight but we often talked about it so I knew we were doing our best and used humor to handle the times that we failed.

I ended up feeling relieved by the fact that he took so much work over my shoulders and I had someone on my team I could blindly trust. For the first time in a long time, I felt I had the time to encourage my team members, really think about their talents, needs and happiness, while I could advance my technical passions, write some code in peace, and not try to manage it all! I believe he too was happy. He took over the hiring process (which I honestly didn’t really like to do myself), he took over some of the communication fuzz with other teams (you know how this goes in a growing organization…), he managed to contribute to our processes as a team and to our prioritizing while being an active developer sharing with us his experience. He was not wasting his talent, he was growing up and proving to everyone that he was capable of a lot more things than some people considered him to be. I was so proud of him! The team (including me) respected him technically and always asked for his advice as the most senior one. I believe the team was feeling strong and had its happiest and most creative times at that moment. We were all sharing experience and really bonding and I feel grateful recalling this time!

Sometimes we take our job and our titles too seriously. In my short career path I’ve already heard, read and seen with my own eyes so many stories of unhealthy antagonism and politics in our field. Managers who feel intimidated by their peers or a specific talented and ambitious employee. Stories of micromanagement and decisions that come from a mere desire to not lose control over a product or a team. Supression of juniors by a “senior” struggling to prove technical excellence. Decision makers applying devide and conquer tactics… etc. What is it that makes us do all these things? Is it money or glory? I believe most of the times it is fear. Fear of losing control, fear of becoming obsolete in this fast pacing job. I see people (including myself) often being jerks or being overstressed and finally burned out by the constant struggle to be “a step ahead” in this field.

Sometimes we have to let go… I think we should make peace with the fact that in this job there is always going to be someone who will outsmart us in some way. A better developer, a better architect, a better communicator or manager, a better product thinker, a better problem solver! In theory we all know that fact but how do we handle it in practice when the time comes? Instead of undermining each others’ efforts, and being overstressed trying to not lose power and manage it all, I think we should have the courage to appreciate this fact, and learn from each other. We should collaborate more, be more humble and open, value the view and the talents of the most junior guy/gal we work with. Give them some space. Together we could maybe solve bigger and more important problems while being happy with ourselves, our lives and each other. So I say ditch your masks, egos, fears and politics! I am not suggesting to be unprofessional, I am not suggesting that the roles in a team do not matter, what I am suggesting is to create teams to trust and share this journey with! In the end, it’s the team not the leader the one that fails or thrives!

During my collaboration with Mark, we once heard the joke that they do not really know who the leader of the team is. Some consider this a disaster, we both smiled. I believe we thrived! What do you think?