I remember it all; January 14th 2020, 11:15 am during break time. I had been sweating and panicking all morning, my friends telling me that I had to calm down before I fell into a frenzy, not being able to concentrate in my morning lessons.
Then I opened UCAS. It read ‘Your application to study History and English at the University of Oxford has either been unsuccessful, withdrawn or declined.’ I knew I hadn’t withdrawn or declined it, so I must have been unsuccessful.
What followed was quite a blur, to be honest. Endless sobbing, running to my teachers ( who probably had better things to deal with), my friends trying to comfort me by telling me that it was all based off luck and that it wasn’t me, my dad on the phone telling me (or trying to, over my loud sobbing in the English department corridor) that I shouldn’t worry, that I was still going to have a bright future. I wish I believed them.
4 months later, and writing this out in words still makes my heart race and my stomach pit. But I have realised things about myself since then which I never thought I would.
№1- NEVER MAKE SOMETHING BIGGER THAN IT IS, JUST TO PUNISH YOURSELF. Yes, it was heartbreaking. Yes, I felt like all my dreams and hard work had gone down the drain. But other people I knew in school had been rejected too, and they took it like champions. Looking back, I have learned that failure is an inherent part of life, and actually it is a blessing that I faced rejection at such a young age. It made me realise that I have my whole life ahead of me to learn how to be successful, and this one blunder at the age of 18 wasn’t going to destroy my life. I punished myself for weeks afterwards, telling myself that I wasn't going to be able to achieve anything in life, that I was a FAILURE. The truth was, I had just been taken on a different path, and my skills and experience with applying and being interviewed at Oxford would accompany me in every aspect for the rest of my life.
№2- OXFORD, OR ANY INSTITUTION WHICH YOU HAVE BEEN REJECTED FROM, IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT- The sound of the word ‘Oxford’ immediately triggers whispers of amazement, honour, respect. But now, after being rejected from there and receiving an offer from another incredible university, I know that wherever you go, it is up to you to take as much as you can from the opportunity. Imagine I had ended up at Oxford. But then the workload and stress and constant competition became too much to handle. I would panic before every assignment, never go out to socialise. Not because I couldn’t or I didn't have the time to, but because I’d put so much pressure on myself that I would feel guilty about it. Oxford would then become a source of perpetual stress and worry for me. Again, not because of Oxford itself, but how I myself dealt with being a student there.
Now, after heading off to another University, I feel ready to take it on. If I work hard, immerse myself in university culture and make the most out of it all, I might become a 10x better version of myself than if I had been accepted to Oxford. The one lesson in life which has stuck with me is that hard- workers always succeed. And you don’t need the branding of an institution to help you with that.
№3- FAILURE IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN- This one might seem quite over-stated, but trust me, having been through the biggest failure of my life, I can assure you this is true. Being rejected taught me what I didn't know; I wasn't great at interviews or public speaking and I didn't know a lot about a broad range of topics. So what did I do? During Lockdown, I have taken an online course on how to be a persuasive public speaker and writer, and I am learning about a number of historical periods through podcasts, articles and books. Failure has now become a blessing for me. Maybe if I had been accepted, I wouldn’t think it necessary to spend so much time bettering myself and my knowledge, because clearly I would have been good enough to get in. But being rejected has made me even more determined to succeed, and it has taught me to think critically and carefully about the way I work and spend my time.
Remember that you should never stop learning. Learning is what gives you a purpose in life, and if that means taking rejection from the most prestigious and elite university in the world, then so be it.
