Your life sounds like hell and I’m sorry. I’m really sorry! No one should have to live like this.
Perhaps it’s time to declare bankruptcy and move to a kinder country like Canada, where they appreciate their citizens enough to provide universal health care without the fuck-you-in-ass indebtedness baked in. Because it may be time to get out of your lane. Bonus: Canadian friends report they have ballroom dancing there too. Who knew?
All the best.