Advertism

Hordes of religions and cultures exist on the earth, some growing stronger, others growing weaker and a few even perishing through the walk of humanity, even a few new ones have emerged and have gathered a handful of followers. I, on the other hand have faced eternal difficulty in unraveling the need to follow a religion, now don’t take it in the wrong sense, I have profound respect for all those innumerable religions and cultures, more so for the ones that threaten to make life un-comfortable in case of even accidental disrespect, all I say is that I haven’t been able to connect with or relate to any religious philosophy until now.

Then, it dawned upon me, I have unknowingly been following a religion for a long time, complete with all its rituals and all the idiosyncrasies I have to adhere to and commit to be accepted by the other staunch followers, this religion has garnered many followers over the world irrespective of the language they speak and the food they eat due to its inherent charm and the blessings it promises, it’s not Christianity, not Islam, not Buddhism, not even Hinduism, I decided to call this very uplifting religion, Advertism!

This religion and the culture associated with it has been followed by advertising people for decades now, Advertism is a very accommodating and flexible religion, so those that do not fit anywhere else or have even been disgracefully banished and shunned from regular society find refuge and comfort here. Like every other religion, Advertism has its own set of customs, traditions, and belief, following them is not a compulsion but you will be better accepted by the brethren if you do. Below, is a little information regarding this very dynamic and fulfilling religion, the Seven Maxims of Advertising.

The Deity – Seriously? Worship someone else? We’re quite happy worshipping ourselves, as the saying goes ‘God is in everyone’, so be it!

The Holy Book – Well, let’s just give it to Ogilvy on Advertising, this concise tome written by advertising’s ‘Mad Man’ David Ogilvy guides you through the nitty-gritty of advertising, and most of the principles it laid down, hold true even today. Sound a little too serious doesn’t it? Well, that’s why many advertism followers don’t bother to read.

The Holy Prayer:
Let us be creative, let us express our art, let us be paid, though your product won’t sell at the mart.
Sleeping all day and partying all night is not an easy task, and when do we work, you don’t dare ask.
We’ve sold Volkswagen and we’ve sold dove, advertising is our passion and also our love.

Dressing and appearance – Everything and anything that would be inappropriate elsewhere, most male followers mindfully sporting long and unkempt hair and beard, with enough expanse to allow tiny creatures to breed in them.

Family life – Nearly non-existent, most can’t remember the last time they had a meal with their family, some even have trouble remembering the last time they woke up next to the same person twice in a row.

Gathering Followers – This particular task is painstakingly simple, advertising is notorious for the amount of leisure and fun the followers have (or seem to have), when their counterparts are running late for work, they still have hours left before they wake up, when the others are cooped up in their tiny offices, ad people are sitting at some up-town bar and entertaining their clients, you get the picture, now don’t ask about work, that question is out of bounds.

Food and Drink customs – Yesterday’s pizza, beer, takeout burger and fries, lots of coffee, beer, more greasy food, weed, did I mention beer?

All this sounds so exciting and utterly crazy right? Well, you’ve seen nothing yet, experiencing the true nature of this multifaceted religion takes years of penance along with a general disregard and abhorrence of anything that’s considered normal, not everyone can tolerate that, you’re welcome to try it though.

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