Life with no title

I feel upset , when I run out of money.I am average earner and spender.The daily expenses are large for me.Everyday I think , when salary day would come,when I can pay my expenses and don’t be mortal burden on my parents for financial help. These hail storm of empty pockets keeps me inclined like ox and just killing my days to meet the end’s meet.That not new to me .

Reaching every home tired, backbone bended, to burdens of expectations from the family members such as newly wed wife , younger brother and the parents.I don’t blame them for the pressure , which is on my back and never they pressurised me on these matters.

A mindset of struggling man , with his own thought , makes him more stubborn to find solution . Where should I go? to whom should I talk on this thorn which is their in my back.I have developed a new gene in me of not telling my salary to my wife or near by friends.Only my dear father knows my salary.This nature of habit , I have seen in my area local shop owners and business man , they never spoken about their daily turnover, then why should I?.

Every night in bed , my wife ask me, how much do I earn , but with habit of struggling man mindset, she failed every time.One day my sister in law , asked me , how much do i earn , I told her it’s enough for your sister and me. It journey of empty pockets .I was talking to senior female employee at my previous job , told her “that I am leaving this job and going to my hometown and getting married and find job their” She replied “Ok now you won’t don’t die poor”. I was taken aback with this reply.Now this reply still echoes in my ear.

In my college times , I had good time but in our friend group there was strange person with behavior , he used to sweet edibles with rum, when we used to drink. One day that same friend told me by reading my palm and said me that I for the whole life for financial help and other support totally dependent on your parents. Now every things is coming true its happening.I don’t where is he now and what he said?it still haunts me.

I am not depressed , and not lost hope completely but I have learned one thing from my these phases of my life , life is all about finding solution to the problems which you face in day to day life .But I am not depressed but confused a lot , I have zeal in me ,but I don’t know what to do.

I think , I can write but I don’t write regularly . I have heard there is no money in writing , so that’s why I left in middle. I have done basic programming schooling time, so I gave a thought that I should learn programming language and work part time in some company after my main job gets over.I don’t know what I am thinking , sitting in the office.

When I was in school ,I read a poem that say’s that there was priest who use to heal everyone in the village with his holy power.But one day due to old age and rough weather in the night he couldn’t go out of the church ,reason he told to his followers that “I am physically tired but my soul is active”.Same with me when I come from office ,I want to work extra but I can’t.

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