“Blue side” by J-hope: the acceptance of the longing for your past self
As the distance between the things we love and us grows, the holes created during the process are getting filled with nostalgia that makes acceptance harder. Despite this, J-hope sees these blue holes as shelters.
In the note J-Hope released at once with the song, he talks about the story behind the lyrics. He mentions that writing this song brought him back to the days when he was naïve and eager to write and produce more songs. He said that there is a time for sudden waves of nostalgia for certain times, and with those feelings, he finished the song he started three years ago.
So J-Hope wraps the songs in blue metaphors. This way, he hides between his current blue canvas, picturing an essential stage of his life he reached, shades reflecting the feelings of nostalgia for his past self.
The feeling of nostalgia is highly prominent in the song, expressed through ardent wishes that hide the pain of going back to that time. Emotions mix — do I want to feel like the self of that then, or do I need to comfort him? They burst into a blue and loud cry.
I get colored by you, my eyes get welled up with blue tears, Blue
Spring, summer, fall, and winter, always in that same feeling, Blue
I want to go back to those days when I didn’t know anything, Blue
He starts with the line “With everything between us changed, I shout out alone”. A feeling of fear slowly rises, seeing a bridge being created between them, built from the uncounted changes that happened throughout the years.
As much as change can be a positive thing, in this situation, he sees them as the bricks that are blocking his way toward something he dearly holds into - his young self. Now, as much as he would shout to call him, the only thing that would echo will be his blue memories.
He finds these moments of nostalgia shelters in which he can hide and silently dream about his meeting and connection with his past self, as he still holds stranded parts he caught from the storm.
“Riding on the wind, right now, to that place
Inside my heart, comforting me now”
He sees that stranded child as his bloom — when the mixed feelings of passion and detachment create the perfect atmosphere for his youth to bloom. He uses singing both as a way of enchanting his youth as much as a way of connecting with it.
“I am singing my bloom,” — Venerating his youth for making him who he is today.
“Singing my blues” — Healing his nostalgia and pain through voiced memories
“Back in my room” — And all in his heart, where the shades of blue got mixed.
“I try measuring the weight between calmness and passion,
but now, I just wish to die, burnt in blue”
Death can be seen as a resting place where your pain ends and you are surrounded by endless peace. Not being able to resist the temptation he is confronted with, of going back to those times, he decides the best place where he could find the peace he is thriving for would be the place he missed the most. So he wishes for a blue end.
Between his longings he dins himself the words “blue side; back to the blue side” as if he is trying to put himself into a scenario where he is back to the old times; a scenario that will comfort him, although he knows is just a faked past converted into a dream in the present.
“In my blue dream, I will put you,”
He admits. The “you” from yesterday and the “you” from today are still you; the same tree, some flowers bloomed, some faded away. So putting his past self and the current self in the same imaginary environment will be him creating for some moments the “me” he is longing for. A mix of his innocent self with the one who already knows about life, so he will be who he is longing for while protecting it.
Arms and body warmth embrace each other as waves swallow the shore and so he is planning:
“In my blue dream, I will hold you
Even if you say no, in my arms”
As if holding right onto what he is longing for, feeling each other’s warmth, will mix and will make them become one; the end connects with the first line.
“I get colored by you”
English translation of the lyrics: https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/?s=blue+side+
