Anteneh Gebre’s Made Up Awards!
“Motherfuck award shows and motherfuck the press! Except for Anteneh Gebre’s Made Up Awards which are immeasurably important to the culture!” — Drake, on “Believe Me” (no need to go back and check)
Flattering words from my old pal Aubrey. In my latest attempt to talk about things no one in my corner of the internet seems to be talking about, I’ve made up my own awards show so people can know where I stand on topics that they haven’t given much thought to. I don’t really have trophies but I’d be more than happy to print out what I write about each winner and mail it to them.
Most Painful Lyrics Of The Year — “Hol up, can’t no motherfuckin judge check me. Hol up, I don’t give a fuck about no ring!” Future on “X” by 21 Savage
I literally dry heave every time I hear these lines. Holy shit my boy Future is going through it. Jesus Christ. Do you know what has to be going on inside of you to see your ex-fiancé and the mother of your child marry an NFL quarterback and reply with “I don’t give a fuck about no ring!”??? Actavis just boiling inside of him. God bless.
Semi-related: writing this reminded me of this amazing tweet by Bauce Sauce.
Best Album That Came Out A Long Time Ago That I Just Started Listening To — Brown Sugar by D’Angelo
I don’t even know what led me to this. I started listening to it after I watched The Best Man but D’Angelo’s not even on the soundtrack. I guess it’s of that same realm of mid-late 90’s black art. This was my first time really listening to D’Angelo and after a few plays I understood why Shea Butter Twitter waited 15 years for an album from this dude. My favorite is either “Alright” or “Lady”. The beat on the “Lady” remix with AZ is HOT TRASH though.
Best Music Video That I Wish I Was On Set For — Work by Rihanna featuring Drake (first half, not that i don’t love neon lights and couches but if i had to pick…)
This video is fucking amazing. I was about 9 or 10 when Sean Paul’s Dutty Rock blew up and since then I’ve loved dancehall videos and this one is top shelf. It’s shot at The Real Jerk in Toronto so you could pull the jacket out and get a fit off in the cold. You come in and you get to watch Rihanna dance alone in front of a mirror (top 10 night of your life already). The dancefloor is jumpin so you might wine pon a ting. There’s Red Stripes and jerk chicken everywhere. Drake’s in the corner smoking hookah in a sweatsuit like a true scumbag. It’s a perfect bashment and if anyone’s interested in recreating it, please contact me ASAP.
Best Awards Show Performance That I Enjoyed More Than Everyone I Know — Gucci Mane, Travis Scott, Young Thug, & Quavo at the BET Hip Hop Awards
I’ve been talking about this performance since I saw it. I even tried to write two separate pieces on how incredible it is. I still might so I’ll save you the full breakdown but what stands out the most is Travis’ melodies and how he seems to make up these incredible, super auto-tuned runs on the spot that I rewind 100 times. Best BET performance since the Charlie Wilson tribute.
Best (and most likely only) book I started and finished this year — Double Cup Love by Eddie Huang
As you can tell from the title I’m a really slow reader when it comes to books but it’s not because I don’t like reading! It’s not easy to find time when there are so many articles and tweets to read too. Double Cup Love is author/host/chef/human panda Eddie Huang’s journey back to China in an attempt to figure out the diaspora, love, and beef noodle soup. It’s hilarious and touching and I can’t recommend it enough.
Best Piece of Clothing I Passed On — Supreme x The North Face Steep Tech Hooded Jacket
Not much to say but it’s now going for about $1000.
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