>> I think that we raise men to be angry by default. We deny them the ability to fully feel or label their emotions, which also denies them the ability to fully understand their needs. <<
If feels to me like we raise men to be numb by default, but if they must feel / show emotion, tolerate anger. We literally induce PTSD in baby boys days after birth via male genital mutilation (aka circumcision). Our society says from day #1, your feelings don’t matter and in fact your most sensitive parts are *no good* and need to be removed and discarded immediately to be accepted by the tribe.
The body is a historical repository and remembers everything. The pain of circumcision causes a rewiring of the baby’s brain so that he is more sensitive to pain later (Taddio 1997, Anand 2000). Circumcision also can cause post-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD), depression, anger, low self-esteem and problems with intimacy (Boyle 2002, Hammond 1999, Goldman 1999).
I rarely see circumcision talked about in feminist circles but it seems to be a deeply feminist issue — if we want men to have the capacity to feel their feelings authentically so that they won’t project them all over society we have to take responsibility for protecting their right to their own bodies.